Hi Guys
My name is Dewald Geldenhuys and I am a believer who struggles with drug addiction.
I would like to start of by sharing some of the insanities of my life before I found recovery, or should I say before recovery found me.
Im 20 years of age and my addiction to substance started when I was 15.
While in my Meth/Cat addiction some of the biggest insanities was the fact that I always thought that I had my addiction under control.
Manipulating and stealing from my loved ones and others around me to support my addiction became second nature.
Life was all about Me, myself and I
I developed a major sense of entitlement; I had a chain around my neck with a massive banner saying: I am better than you!
The greatest insanity of my addiction was my false sense of pride which kept me dwelling in denial year after year.
The circumstances that I found myself in while in addiction was miserable,
Staying at Clubs and Pubs till early mornings, sometimes it even carried on till 6 the following morning, then only would I realise that I no form of transport.
I remember and recall a time when I was at at a club where I had been drinking and taking drugs, I was dependant on a complete stranger who promised me a lift home, early hours of the morning a friend and I was searching and looking for this person only to realise he had left and never answered his phone, we ended walking from Boksburg to Benoni where a using friend had been staying.
I was exhausted and lifeless; I’ll never forget the feelings of unworthiness and shame I felt during my addiction.
I never had money for anything, I would always try and gather cents together, emptying my ash tray, looking everywhere I could just so that I could by a lose cigarette from the side of the road, it even led to me begging from strangers so that I could support my nicotine habit.
My addiction affected me in every way possible, no values, no morals, a low self esteem, andI would not eat or sleep for days on end. I will never forget that horrible feeling that rose within me after using in the early mornings only to witness the sun come out and the birds starting to chirp, what a terrible life...
At this stage of my life with God was non – existent, I grew up in a Christian home where my spiritual foundations was solidly laid before me at a young age.
I knew about God but in reality I had no idea who He was. I did not care what anyone had to say to me about God, I blamed God and I was furious with God for the situations I placedmyself in!
My addiction fuelled my arrogant attitude toward others, having no respect for authority whatsoever, I became passive aggressive – Always searching for a fight verbally or physically.
My attitude was careless and chaotic, which led me to a famous saying while in addiction:
“Play now and Pay later!”
I reached my first rock bottom at the age of 18, during the period while I wrote my MatricFinal exams.
I got arrested on a Wednesday morning in Boksburg for the possession of 4grams of Cat/Meth.
I spend a night in the holding cells, it was clearly not enough for me, and reality had not yet come to my senses as I continued to use in spite of facing a 15 year jail sentence!
In November 2011, I forcefully attended Mighty Wings Life Centre for the first time, for 9 months consecutively I never worked my program, I didn’t believe in the steps, and I didn’t trust anyone whom was placed above me. My main goal was to finish my program and carry on with the destructive life I had been living.
But God had other plans for me!
On the 13th of August 2012 I reached my true and final rock bottom.
After confessing to a relapse while on my program at Mighty Wings, my consequences was clear, “I had my chance and I blew” those where the thoughts running through my head.
I knew that the prosecutor would have no mercy on me
The idea of Jail overwhelmed me, for the very first time in my life feelings of guilt and shame reached my conscious.
I was completely hopeless and suicidal; I told God that I would take my own life if He sent me to jail.
Miraculously, Mighty Wings Management decided to fight for me in court and grant me yet another chance.
On the day my fate would be decided in court Kennith and Mighty Wings management went to court little hope and no expectation, almost knowing what the outcome would be.
By the grace of God, the prosecutor decided not to prosecute if I attended an inpatient rehabilitation centre recommended by Mighty Wings
This led me to Healing Wings on the 26th of August 2012.
Shortly after starting my program, I had my first revelation of God’s true love for me, which leads me to 1 of my favourite scriptures:
Romans 8:38
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers or things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth or any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is found in Jesus – Amen!
My relationship with Jesus has had a remarkable influence on my recovery.
Filling me with hope and giving me the inner happiness I had searched for, 4 years of my life.
Celebrate Recovery has helped me to get a better understanding of who I am, it provided me with tools to deal with my hurts, hang ups and habits rather than medicating them with drugs and alcohol.
A Single Step truly touched my heart while on my journey of Recovery which was Step 3 – Turning my will and my life over to God.
Knowing that I am not alone gave me the courage and the willingness to never look back and strive toward a better life.
The changes God has made in my relationships with the people closest to me, Mom, Dad, Brother is a honesty and transparency. I no longer have to live a LIE!
The changes that God has bought forth in my relationships with others are humility and an attitude of gratitude.
The areas of my life that has left me is arrogance and pride, God has changed those areas into a genuineness and willingness to serve others.
Today I am serving full time in a Evangelistic ministry called Glocal Outreach, where I am pursuing the call that I believe God has on my life, I also started Bible school where I am currently studying to show myself approved, this was made possible because by the grace of God I also passed my Matric.
Some of the benefits I have received from working the 12 Step program is:
*New and a positive thought life
*A better understanding of why I chose the pathway of substance abuse
But the greatest benefit of all that I have received from working the 12 Step program is:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope!
I am still a working progress and I have not arrived yet, recovery is a journey and not adestination!
I may not be where I want to be, but I thank God that im not where I used to be.
Encouragement I can give a new comer:
To grab the opportunity that has been placed in front of you with both hands now and here!
To work your Recovery program and to stick to your Recovery plan!
If you do it is impossible to relapse!
And finally to walk around the same mountain that I did!
I want to say thank you to the following people:
First and foremost I thank God for what He has done
Mom and Dad for the support you’ve been to me
Chris, as a brother you’ve always encouraged me to just do it
Freddie, for the great mentor and accountability partner you’ve been to me
Mighty Wings Life Centre, Kennith, Janine, Rodney, Carol
Giles and Janine from Healing Wings
Graeme Duthie my counsellor at Healing Wings
Robin Frazer my Counselling Psychologist
My name is Dewald Geldenhuys and I am a believer who struggles with drug addiction.
I would like to start of by sharing some of the insanities of my life before I found recovery, or should I say before recovery found me.
Im 20 years of age and my addiction to substance started when I was 15.
While in my Meth/Cat addiction some of the biggest insanities was the fact that I always thought that I had my addiction under control.
Manipulating and stealing from my loved ones and others around me to support my addiction became second nature.
Life was all about Me, myself and I
I developed a major sense of entitlement; I had a chain around my neck with a massive banner saying: I am better than you!
The greatest insanity of my addiction was my false sense of pride which kept me dwelling in denial year after year.
The circumstances that I found myself in while in addiction was miserable,
Staying at Clubs and Pubs till early mornings, sometimes it even carried on till 6 the following morning, then only would I realise that I no form of transport.
I remember and recall a time when I was at at a club where I had been drinking and taking drugs, I was dependant on a complete stranger who promised me a lift home, early hours of the morning a friend and I was searching and looking for this person only to realise he had left and never answered his phone, we ended walking from Boksburg to Benoni where a using friend had been staying.
I was exhausted and lifeless; I’ll never forget the feelings of unworthiness and shame I felt during my addiction.
I never had money for anything, I would always try and gather cents together, emptying my ash tray, looking everywhere I could just so that I could by a lose cigarette from the side of the road, it even led to me begging from strangers so that I could support my nicotine habit.
My addiction affected me in every way possible, no values, no morals, a low self esteem, andI would not eat or sleep for days on end. I will never forget that horrible feeling that rose within me after using in the early mornings only to witness the sun come out and the birds starting to chirp, what a terrible life...
At this stage of my life with God was non – existent, I grew up in a Christian home where my spiritual foundations was solidly laid before me at a young age.
I knew about God but in reality I had no idea who He was. I did not care what anyone had to say to me about God, I blamed God and I was furious with God for the situations I placedmyself in!
My addiction fuelled my arrogant attitude toward others, having no respect for authority whatsoever, I became passive aggressive – Always searching for a fight verbally or physically.
My attitude was careless and chaotic, which led me to a famous saying while in addiction:
“Play now and Pay later!”
I reached my first rock bottom at the age of 18, during the period while I wrote my MatricFinal exams.
I got arrested on a Wednesday morning in Boksburg for the possession of 4grams of Cat/Meth.
I spend a night in the holding cells, it was clearly not enough for me, and reality had not yet come to my senses as I continued to use in spite of facing a 15 year jail sentence!
In November 2011, I forcefully attended Mighty Wings Life Centre for the first time, for 9 months consecutively I never worked my program, I didn’t believe in the steps, and I didn’t trust anyone whom was placed above me. My main goal was to finish my program and carry on with the destructive life I had been living.
But God had other plans for me!
On the 13th of August 2012 I reached my true and final rock bottom.
After confessing to a relapse while on my program at Mighty Wings, my consequences was clear, “I had my chance and I blew” those where the thoughts running through my head.
I knew that the prosecutor would have no mercy on me
The idea of Jail overwhelmed me, for the very first time in my life feelings of guilt and shame reached my conscious.
I was completely hopeless and suicidal; I told God that I would take my own life if He sent me to jail.
Miraculously, Mighty Wings Management decided to fight for me in court and grant me yet another chance.
On the day my fate would be decided in court Kennith and Mighty Wings management went to court little hope and no expectation, almost knowing what the outcome would be.
By the grace of God, the prosecutor decided not to prosecute if I attended an inpatient rehabilitation centre recommended by Mighty Wings
This led me to Healing Wings on the 26th of August 2012.
Shortly after starting my program, I had my first revelation of God’s true love for me, which leads me to 1 of my favourite scriptures:
Romans 8:38
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers or things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth or any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is found in Jesus – Amen!
My relationship with Jesus has had a remarkable influence on my recovery.
Filling me with hope and giving me the inner happiness I had searched for, 4 years of my life.
Celebrate Recovery has helped me to get a better understanding of who I am, it provided me with tools to deal with my hurts, hang ups and habits rather than medicating them with drugs and alcohol.
A Single Step truly touched my heart while on my journey of Recovery which was Step 3 – Turning my will and my life over to God.
Knowing that I am not alone gave me the courage and the willingness to never look back and strive toward a better life.
The changes God has made in my relationships with the people closest to me, Mom, Dad, Brother is a honesty and transparency. I no longer have to live a LIE!
The changes that God has bought forth in my relationships with others are humility and an attitude of gratitude.
The areas of my life that has left me is arrogance and pride, God has changed those areas into a genuineness and willingness to serve others.
Today I am serving full time in a Evangelistic ministry called Glocal Outreach, where I am pursuing the call that I believe God has on my life, I also started Bible school where I am currently studying to show myself approved, this was made possible because by the grace of God I also passed my Matric.
Some of the benefits I have received from working the 12 Step program is:
*New and a positive thought life
*A better understanding of why I chose the pathway of substance abuse
But the greatest benefit of all that I have received from working the 12 Step program is:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope!
I am still a working progress and I have not arrived yet, recovery is a journey and not adestination!
I may not be where I want to be, but I thank God that im not where I used to be.
Encouragement I can give a new comer:
To grab the opportunity that has been placed in front of you with both hands now and here!
To work your Recovery program and to stick to your Recovery plan!
If you do it is impossible to relapse!
And finally to walk around the same mountain that I did!
I want to say thank you to the following people:
First and foremost I thank God for what He has done
Mom and Dad for the support you’ve been to me
Chris, as a brother you’ve always encouraged me to just do it
Freddie, for the great mentor and accountability partner you’ve been to me
Mighty Wings Life Centre, Kennith, Janine, Rodney, Carol
Giles and Janine from Healing Wings
Graeme Duthie my counsellor at Healing Wings
Robin Frazer my Counselling Psychologist