My name is Heinrich Van Jaarsveld and I am a recovering drug addict.
My drug use started out as experimental. I used to only use when the opportunity presented itself. It later went into using when I felt like and before I knew it I was in full on addiction. My using went from being only on weekends to using every day. I was what they called a binge user. I would stop for periods of 1 to 2 months and it would only need one Friday evening jol to get me started for long periods of time. This was also where I convinced myself i was controlling the drugs, and could stop whenever I wanted. This up and down roller coaster ride would go on for years. I always knew that it would end badly bad it never phased me much. I was a Christian but my actions did not reflect this. I did however know God very well when I was in trouble, and very quick to ask him for help. I had no regard for anybody but myself and my needs, and would manipulate, lie and do whatever it took to get what I want.
It was last year February when the very fast down ward spiral started.
This was the beginning of the end. I knew my addiction was getting out of hand but I would not see how bad it got until much later. One morning I woke up and I decided it’s time for a change. I and friend of mine decided we would quit our jobs, take whatever money we have and go to Durban. This sounded like the best idea I have ever had and with +/-R5600.00 we left JHB. Upon arrival in Durban we managed to get hold of a dealer and we started taking drugs. E’s was all we could find. We checked into a very dodgy hotel in Durban CBD, this area is known amongst locals as the under belly of Durban. To us it made no difference, we were living it up. One morning I woke up to find my “friend” gone. She left me a message at the reception desk to say she had met up with an old boyfriend and that she has gone to Umlanga with him. And that she hopes I would understand. Now with less than a R1000.00 left I had to make choices. I started looking for a job, but did hoping not to find anything. Going back to Johannesburg was at that stage not an option. Where would I go and what would I do. The Idea of living it up in Durban was not yet of the table. It was now week 2 in Durban. The one afternoon I got back to the hotel from the beach, to find my room broken into. It being Durban I never use to walk around with all my money or my ID. Needless to say this was all stolen. I had one night left to stay in the hotel. I had to do what it takes to survive. In the meantime I contacted the dealer who supplied us with our drugs. I also told him about the predicament I found myself in. He recommended I go and offer “services in Morning side where all night workers went. He supplied me with free items, and being out of it, I agreed.
Upon arrival in Morning side, and high as a kite I was now ready to do this, so I thought. As the first car pulled up, I got cold feet, and backed away. It was only when the second car arrived that I decided I would give it a bash. It was a white middle aged gentleman, and actually a very nice guy. The drive to his house took forever. I also can’t remember what we spoke about. I was no starting to come down from what I was using, and reality started sinking in. Now, not sure how to tell this guy. I became very nervous and un easy. He noticed this. He asked me what the deal was. . I explained what situation I was in. He was very understanding. He still gave me R1000 and took me back to Durban where I was staying. Today I’m very glad I didn’t go thru with it. I think it very degrading. This is the irony. Instead of returning to JHB I took the money, paid for 1 night at the hotel and went to the Casino with the rest. Not long after my money was finished. I realized now that I had to make a plan to get back to Johannesburg. But sadly this was not yet the end for me.
Jasper and Francois are my uncles, from my dad’s side. I have no relationship with my parents and thus they are the only family I have together with Jasper’s sister Karen and her Family.
I made a plan to call Jasper, and briefly explained to him what was happening. I left out a few details, the important once, but never the less I was on the next bus back to Johannesburg. Jasper and François agreed that I could stay with them until I’m back on my feet. I was to start looking for a job. His sister, Karin agreed to borrow me the scooter I’m driving with now but made it very clear it was to be used for the purpose of finding work only and getting to work once I found a job.
One evening I decided to go out with friends. Later that evening when they dropped me off, I decided to go and use drugs and gamble. I took the bike and went to Monte Casino. I spent all my money but was not ready to go home. This was 2 days later. I met a guy there who was also out on a binge use. He told me there was a guy he knows who worked at the garage around the corner form Monte Casino, who would be able to borrow me money on my scooter. We went there and before I know it there I left the scooter there and had R700, which at that point seemed like a lot. We went back to the casino and not long after, that money was now finished and also the drug. Now knowing I’m in trouble I started to panic. Badly. I knew that at some point I would have to call jasper to tell him what happened. I didn’t have the guts. I spent that night at the garage, just sitting there, hoping for some sort of miracle. But God had other plans. This was now day 4. That Saturday Morning I decided to call Jasper. Again I lied about what truly happened.
Later that afternoon he arrived at the garage. I was very surprised and shocked about what happened there that day, but that was my days using finished there and then. They got out the car, and I was still trying to explain and when I say explain I really mean lie about what happened, when a detective introduced himself to me, and arrested me for Vehicle theft and being I possession of stolen property, this being the scooter and helmet. I was taken to Fairland police station. On the way there I kept telling myself this was not real, and that they are just doing this to scare me and teach me lesson. This was not the case. I spent the rest of the weekend there in the holding cells. It was Horrible. It was cold and dirty, it was in July, peak of the winter. When I was supposed to go to court on Monday, they informed me that I was not processed over the weekend and therefore had to spend another night in the cells. But that I believe happened for a reason.
Jasper came to see me that Monday afternoon, and for the first time I was truly honest with him, I told him I was an addict and that I needed help. He agreed to withdraw the charges on condition that I get help. We went to court that Tuesday morning. The state prosecutor decided that I was not going to get off so easily. Hence my court diversion to mighty wings.
For a while things were going really well, I attended Mighty wings and did what was expected of me, but I started getting complacent after a few months, thinking I was cured and that I didn’t need to follow the rules any more. How wrong could I be? In November of 2013 I relapsed. It was not a big relapse or anything; I didn’t disappear like I normally do. I just had one line. Never the less a relapse is a relapse.
Now jasper and François supports me till today still. I Think I have the best supporters in the world. One needs to keep in mind; they have no obligation what so ever towards me, yet they took me in and treated me like a son. This is the first time in years I felt like I was somebody's child again. So naturally they felt very hurt and disappointed. They felt like all that work we put in since July when I joined Mighty Wings was for nothing. Carol assessed the situation and decided it was not serious enough to send me away and decided to give me a second chance. So my recovery had started from scratch. I did not take long to start doing things the wrong way again, I stopped taking anti buse and they trusted me thinking that I was taking it, signing off the form without proof.
I was heading in the direction of another relapse but did not see it coming. The thing is I fell in love. I now more than ever understand why Mighty wings has the corner stone rule in place preventing us from getting romantically involved with anybody for minimum of a year. After it all happened and stated putting things into perspective I realized that it was just a silly Crush. But reality sunk in a little too late.
While I went thru this little silly phase, I did talk about this to my support and to Tracey the social worker. But I coloured the picture with my own Truths making it seem like I’m fine and for a while I was. It was only in February this year that it caught up to me. So in typical Heinrich style I sneaked out The Saturday morning of the 25th of. I went to party the previous night, and had been drinking. I came home from the party and took my scooter, and yes the very same scooter that got me arrested in. It was about 6am in the morning.
I went to dealers place directly. And within seconds, another 3 months of recovery was down the drain. It did not feel as good as it should. I had just started my new job.
Clare, my then and now current boss knew I was in recovery. She decided in 2013 she wanted to give me a chance to work for her as she saw something in me that I did not at that stage. I wasn’t even working there a full month as we only opened on the 12th.
My salary was not yet paid into my account, but I needed money as the drugs were nearly finished. I was already trusted to have an office key and knew that here was more that R2000 in the petty cash in the office. Needless to say I went there and took R1200 out of the petty cash tin. All I did that day was driving around and taking drugs. I did send Jasper a message that morning telling him I just needed the day out on my own to clear my mind. Ironically I managed to lose my cell phone that day, yes really lost it, that’s why I say ironically.
Eventually the next day, this was now Sunday the drugs, the money were finished. The reality started dawning that I now need to go home and face the music. I already knew what my fate looked like for the next 3 months. The worst part for me was the disappointment and the hurt in François & Jaspers eyes when I told them.
Still after all of this they still supported me. I was sent away to Enoch's Walk Bible centre for 3 months. When I arrived there I pulled a face, as this place was not with my standard, but I was very soon humbled and started to use my time there wisely. Enoch’s walk brought me back to God but also back to family. I learned how to appreciate my family but also my blessings on the outside. Luxuries are few at Enoch’s walk, but God is ever present. The time there really changed me for the better, but I was very grateful after returning home after 3 months. Hot showers, Flushing Toilets and no snakes or spiders was suddenly something of great value to me.
As I stand here today I am 9 months clean again. My relationship with my family is better than it’s ever been. They trust me again, and support me more than ever. God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life.
I am really in recovery now, and embrace the life of a Christian and recovering addict. Working the steps really helps, especially step 1 and 4. Step 1 was breaking denial. Step 4 is a personal moral inventory. If you do step 4 honestly and really dig deep, it really puts things in perspective and opens your eyes. It also forces you to deal with things that have been holding you down. It also teaches forgiveness. Recovery and it principles really has great value. It’s the glue that puts broken families back together, that puts us back on the road to God.
For the first time I consider what my actions will have on my family and people I deal with day to day. I have my family’s trust back. In The last Year I’ve gained so much. I have been re-employed by the same company where is messed up in January. I value my work and do everything I do, to the best of my potential, because for many years, I was just working to support my addiction. I earn good salary and actually have things to show for it. In the past, money in one hand equalled the amount of drugs in the other. I’m also in the process of buying my first car.
I walk the walk of a Christian and have my quiet times with God daily. For the first time ever I don’t just ask for help, but I say thank you. Thank you for helping me to start the transformation and for helping me to stay on the road to recovery and for keeping me safe all these years. I would also like to thank Mighty wings, Carol, Rodney and Kenneth and all the leaders for this wonderful ministry that’s still today busy changing me in so many wonderful ways, but mostly I would like to say Thank Jasper, Francois Karin and Herman and the rest the amazing people in my life for opening their hearts to me believing in me and for not giving up.
I leave you with this. I encourage everybody to work this program to the fullest. To grab the opportunity with both hands but most importantly not to forget what got us here to begin with. I remember Carol saying this a few times, that anybody who follows the program 100 % will not relapse. Hand everything over to God; believe that it is in your nature to change. Stay Humble and remember that recovery needs to be built into the rest of your life.
Thank You.
My drug use started out as experimental. I used to only use when the opportunity presented itself. It later went into using when I felt like and before I knew it I was in full on addiction. My using went from being only on weekends to using every day. I was what they called a binge user. I would stop for periods of 1 to 2 months and it would only need one Friday evening jol to get me started for long periods of time. This was also where I convinced myself i was controlling the drugs, and could stop whenever I wanted. This up and down roller coaster ride would go on for years. I always knew that it would end badly bad it never phased me much. I was a Christian but my actions did not reflect this. I did however know God very well when I was in trouble, and very quick to ask him for help. I had no regard for anybody but myself and my needs, and would manipulate, lie and do whatever it took to get what I want.
It was last year February when the very fast down ward spiral started.
This was the beginning of the end. I knew my addiction was getting out of hand but I would not see how bad it got until much later. One morning I woke up and I decided it’s time for a change. I and friend of mine decided we would quit our jobs, take whatever money we have and go to Durban. This sounded like the best idea I have ever had and with +/-R5600.00 we left JHB. Upon arrival in Durban we managed to get hold of a dealer and we started taking drugs. E’s was all we could find. We checked into a very dodgy hotel in Durban CBD, this area is known amongst locals as the under belly of Durban. To us it made no difference, we were living it up. One morning I woke up to find my “friend” gone. She left me a message at the reception desk to say she had met up with an old boyfriend and that she has gone to Umlanga with him. And that she hopes I would understand. Now with less than a R1000.00 left I had to make choices. I started looking for a job, but did hoping not to find anything. Going back to Johannesburg was at that stage not an option. Where would I go and what would I do. The Idea of living it up in Durban was not yet of the table. It was now week 2 in Durban. The one afternoon I got back to the hotel from the beach, to find my room broken into. It being Durban I never use to walk around with all my money or my ID. Needless to say this was all stolen. I had one night left to stay in the hotel. I had to do what it takes to survive. In the meantime I contacted the dealer who supplied us with our drugs. I also told him about the predicament I found myself in. He recommended I go and offer “services in Morning side where all night workers went. He supplied me with free items, and being out of it, I agreed.
Upon arrival in Morning side, and high as a kite I was now ready to do this, so I thought. As the first car pulled up, I got cold feet, and backed away. It was only when the second car arrived that I decided I would give it a bash. It was a white middle aged gentleman, and actually a very nice guy. The drive to his house took forever. I also can’t remember what we spoke about. I was no starting to come down from what I was using, and reality started sinking in. Now, not sure how to tell this guy. I became very nervous and un easy. He noticed this. He asked me what the deal was. . I explained what situation I was in. He was very understanding. He still gave me R1000 and took me back to Durban where I was staying. Today I’m very glad I didn’t go thru with it. I think it very degrading. This is the irony. Instead of returning to JHB I took the money, paid for 1 night at the hotel and went to the Casino with the rest. Not long after my money was finished. I realized now that I had to make a plan to get back to Johannesburg. But sadly this was not yet the end for me.
Jasper and Francois are my uncles, from my dad’s side. I have no relationship with my parents and thus they are the only family I have together with Jasper’s sister Karen and her Family.
I made a plan to call Jasper, and briefly explained to him what was happening. I left out a few details, the important once, but never the less I was on the next bus back to Johannesburg. Jasper and François agreed that I could stay with them until I’m back on my feet. I was to start looking for a job. His sister, Karin agreed to borrow me the scooter I’m driving with now but made it very clear it was to be used for the purpose of finding work only and getting to work once I found a job.
One evening I decided to go out with friends. Later that evening when they dropped me off, I decided to go and use drugs and gamble. I took the bike and went to Monte Casino. I spent all my money but was not ready to go home. This was 2 days later. I met a guy there who was also out on a binge use. He told me there was a guy he knows who worked at the garage around the corner form Monte Casino, who would be able to borrow me money on my scooter. We went there and before I know it there I left the scooter there and had R700, which at that point seemed like a lot. We went back to the casino and not long after, that money was now finished and also the drug. Now knowing I’m in trouble I started to panic. Badly. I knew that at some point I would have to call jasper to tell him what happened. I didn’t have the guts. I spent that night at the garage, just sitting there, hoping for some sort of miracle. But God had other plans. This was now day 4. That Saturday Morning I decided to call Jasper. Again I lied about what truly happened.
Later that afternoon he arrived at the garage. I was very surprised and shocked about what happened there that day, but that was my days using finished there and then. They got out the car, and I was still trying to explain and when I say explain I really mean lie about what happened, when a detective introduced himself to me, and arrested me for Vehicle theft and being I possession of stolen property, this being the scooter and helmet. I was taken to Fairland police station. On the way there I kept telling myself this was not real, and that they are just doing this to scare me and teach me lesson. This was not the case. I spent the rest of the weekend there in the holding cells. It was Horrible. It was cold and dirty, it was in July, peak of the winter. When I was supposed to go to court on Monday, they informed me that I was not processed over the weekend and therefore had to spend another night in the cells. But that I believe happened for a reason.
Jasper came to see me that Monday afternoon, and for the first time I was truly honest with him, I told him I was an addict and that I needed help. He agreed to withdraw the charges on condition that I get help. We went to court that Tuesday morning. The state prosecutor decided that I was not going to get off so easily. Hence my court diversion to mighty wings.
For a while things were going really well, I attended Mighty wings and did what was expected of me, but I started getting complacent after a few months, thinking I was cured and that I didn’t need to follow the rules any more. How wrong could I be? In November of 2013 I relapsed. It was not a big relapse or anything; I didn’t disappear like I normally do. I just had one line. Never the less a relapse is a relapse.
Now jasper and François supports me till today still. I Think I have the best supporters in the world. One needs to keep in mind; they have no obligation what so ever towards me, yet they took me in and treated me like a son. This is the first time in years I felt like I was somebody's child again. So naturally they felt very hurt and disappointed. They felt like all that work we put in since July when I joined Mighty Wings was for nothing. Carol assessed the situation and decided it was not serious enough to send me away and decided to give me a second chance. So my recovery had started from scratch. I did not take long to start doing things the wrong way again, I stopped taking anti buse and they trusted me thinking that I was taking it, signing off the form without proof.
I was heading in the direction of another relapse but did not see it coming. The thing is I fell in love. I now more than ever understand why Mighty wings has the corner stone rule in place preventing us from getting romantically involved with anybody for minimum of a year. After it all happened and stated putting things into perspective I realized that it was just a silly Crush. But reality sunk in a little too late.
While I went thru this little silly phase, I did talk about this to my support and to Tracey the social worker. But I coloured the picture with my own Truths making it seem like I’m fine and for a while I was. It was only in February this year that it caught up to me. So in typical Heinrich style I sneaked out The Saturday morning of the 25th of. I went to party the previous night, and had been drinking. I came home from the party and took my scooter, and yes the very same scooter that got me arrested in. It was about 6am in the morning.
I went to dealers place directly. And within seconds, another 3 months of recovery was down the drain. It did not feel as good as it should. I had just started my new job.
Clare, my then and now current boss knew I was in recovery. She decided in 2013 she wanted to give me a chance to work for her as she saw something in me that I did not at that stage. I wasn’t even working there a full month as we only opened on the 12th.
My salary was not yet paid into my account, but I needed money as the drugs were nearly finished. I was already trusted to have an office key and knew that here was more that R2000 in the petty cash in the office. Needless to say I went there and took R1200 out of the petty cash tin. All I did that day was driving around and taking drugs. I did send Jasper a message that morning telling him I just needed the day out on my own to clear my mind. Ironically I managed to lose my cell phone that day, yes really lost it, that’s why I say ironically.
Eventually the next day, this was now Sunday the drugs, the money were finished. The reality started dawning that I now need to go home and face the music. I already knew what my fate looked like for the next 3 months. The worst part for me was the disappointment and the hurt in François & Jaspers eyes when I told them.
Still after all of this they still supported me. I was sent away to Enoch's Walk Bible centre for 3 months. When I arrived there I pulled a face, as this place was not with my standard, but I was very soon humbled and started to use my time there wisely. Enoch’s walk brought me back to God but also back to family. I learned how to appreciate my family but also my blessings on the outside. Luxuries are few at Enoch’s walk, but God is ever present. The time there really changed me for the better, but I was very grateful after returning home after 3 months. Hot showers, Flushing Toilets and no snakes or spiders was suddenly something of great value to me.
As I stand here today I am 9 months clean again. My relationship with my family is better than it’s ever been. They trust me again, and support me more than ever. God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life.
I am really in recovery now, and embrace the life of a Christian and recovering addict. Working the steps really helps, especially step 1 and 4. Step 1 was breaking denial. Step 4 is a personal moral inventory. If you do step 4 honestly and really dig deep, it really puts things in perspective and opens your eyes. It also forces you to deal with things that have been holding you down. It also teaches forgiveness. Recovery and it principles really has great value. It’s the glue that puts broken families back together, that puts us back on the road to God.
For the first time I consider what my actions will have on my family and people I deal with day to day. I have my family’s trust back. In The last Year I’ve gained so much. I have been re-employed by the same company where is messed up in January. I value my work and do everything I do, to the best of my potential, because for many years, I was just working to support my addiction. I earn good salary and actually have things to show for it. In the past, money in one hand equalled the amount of drugs in the other. I’m also in the process of buying my first car.
I walk the walk of a Christian and have my quiet times with God daily. For the first time ever I don’t just ask for help, but I say thank you. Thank you for helping me to start the transformation and for helping me to stay on the road to recovery and for keeping me safe all these years. I would also like to thank Mighty wings, Carol, Rodney and Kenneth and all the leaders for this wonderful ministry that’s still today busy changing me in so many wonderful ways, but mostly I would like to say Thank Jasper, Francois Karin and Herman and the rest the amazing people in my life for opening their hearts to me believing in me and for not giving up.
I leave you with this. I encourage everybody to work this program to the fullest. To grab the opportunity with both hands but most importantly not to forget what got us here to begin with. I remember Carol saying this a few times, that anybody who follows the program 100 % will not relapse. Hand everything over to God; believe that it is in your nature to change. Stay Humble and remember that recovery needs to be built into the rest of your life.
Thank You.