I’m a recovering addict who struggled with Marijuana and CAT addiction.
Before I started my recovery at Mighty Wings my life was in complete chaos. I never slept or ate, I lost so much weight that I ended up weighing 42kg and could not sit in a bath without a pillow cause my skeleton was drilling into the base of the bath.
I was obsessive, paranoid and lived without any boundaries. I tried to save everyone that crossed my path. I picked up ho-bo’s off the street and gave them everything I had in my house to help them. From giving them a shower and breakfast at my house to clearing out my fridge, cosmetics, and other essentials they needed. I was lonely and indirectly they became my friends and someone to speak to. I also knew they were to desperate to judge me.
I argued with everyone who cared for me and even told my mom that if she doesn’t leave me and my life alone I’ll kill her. She was so scared of me (her Angel child she called me from brith) that she immediately installed a trellidor for extra protection. I lied on a daily basis and was convinced that people were following and somehow spying on me through my security system in the house – How Bazaar!!!
I would be unable to sleep and decide to go for a walk at 4am in the morning with my torch, cellphone and sigi’s (my survival pack).
I didn’t buy groceries for myself only things that Declan ate and wanted. I reasoned with myself that it’s cheaper to use than it is to buy groceries daily.
My relationship with God was extreme. I was completely obsessed with my religion and tried to convert anybody that had ears to listen to become a disciples.
I had conversations with God reasoning with him about my use of substance and justifying it. I completely believed that he understands my circumstances and He still loves me unconditionally no matter me using. Anyway in my eyes I wasn’t doing anything wrong or harming anyone through my drug usage.
I carried my Bible in my handbag and would read pieces out of the Bible to the homeless people to help them in their struggles as well. My family (who are extremely religious) I called the devil and told them that God will punish them for how they’re treating me. I threw all their wrongs over the years in their faces and reminded them that they have no idea what I’m going through cause they’re not the widow trying to keep their life together after being married for only a month.
I was self-centered and wanted everything my way. On my time when, where and how I wanted it. I offended people daily cause I was tactless and said it like it is. I just wanted to be happy and anyone that put a downer on my mood was asked to leave my company immediately. They were spoil sports and wasn’t living life to the full – Way too serious for me.
I hit rock bottom when Declan (my 6 year old son) was taken away from me and placed in safe keeping with my mom because I forgot to pick him up from school.
I lost my mind completely in that time and used excessively …. Nothing and nobody mattered. Because he was away from me I had no responsibility towards anything and I used nonstop – day and night. I started experiencing psychosis and paranoia. I believed people were spying on me from the trees outside my house. I flew my kite in a park with my high heels on and directed the traffic outside my house with a hardhat while campaigning for “fathers for justice”. In my mind my dad lost interest in me and Declan’s father never featured or contributed to his life. So I was educating them while showing them where to turn.
The one day my mom sent the police to my house because she did not hear anything from me and was convinced that I might have overdosed. My mom then decided to take me to Thembisa hospital but she was so scared that I might attack her cause I don’t want to go that she asked the police to escort her to the hospital. I was put in the back of the van and driven to Thembisa Hospital…. It was then that I realised this is the end. My rock bottom continued cause after 6 weeks in Thembisa in the most horrible conditions you can possibly imagine I was transferred to Weskoppies Hospital. I stayed there in the worst possible conditions for another 3 weeks. By the end of that process I had enough time to think about how I destroyed my life in less than 3 months. I lost everything I loved…. My Son, family, my home, my career, respect for myself, self-worth, purpose the list just continues.
I came to Mighty Wings before I went to Thembisa Hospital to find out what the programme was all about and whether they would be able to assist me with my addiction. I was extremely arrogant with Pastor Kennith and he told him that there is not much that I could learn from them because I’ve around the block a number of times. I was looking for the quick fix solution and he told me in no uncertain terms that I’m not ready to join the programme and need to think about it carefully and only when I’m 100% committed to change my ways that I can come back and try to apply again.
After I had time to think about what I want in my life I came to see Pastor Kennith again…. This time it was completely different. I basically begged him to allow me to join as I needed the help and was prepared to do anything to get my life back on track. After vigorous debate and me convincing him I’m ready he allowed me to sign up with Mighty Wings. I felt blessed!!! I was placed on an immediate Comm Ban for a few weeks – I was shocked, cause believe me speaking is one of my most favourite pastimes’, but didn’t care – as I said I was determined to make this work for myself and my family. I wanted to change for myself – nobody else!
My Relationship with God grew even stronger since I’ve joined Mighty Wings. I’ve learned that praying is one thing but obedience is another. I’ve invested time and effort into my relationship with God. I attend Discipleship on Monday’s as often as I can, I read my Bible for guidance, I’ve learned to pray in tongues and I have a respectful relationship with God. I don’t negotiate and justify to Him anymore. I know wrong from right and live in grace and obedience to Him.
Mighty Wings has taught me so much, I’ve come into the programme not knowing what to expect but promised myself that I will give it my all. I’ve kept to the rules and boundaries set through the organisation and my recovery programme. I’ve attending not only the usual days during the week but I also participated in the additional courses such as AP 1 & 2, transformation, Discipleship, Mentorship and whatever other activities they have offered like soccer days, work parties etc. Working the programme and putting my 100% effort into it has allowed me to be proud of my commitment and clean time. I’ve put so much effort into my groups and homework that lapsing or failing is just not an option. I would hate to fail and lose all the effort that I’ve put in to date. I truly believe this is not just a recovering programme for addicts and their supporter. I believe that if more “normal” people in the world could experience the programme we will have much better equipped humans out there to cope with real life challenges that get thrown at us on a daily basis.
There’s a few things that really stuck out for me during my time here and one of them is that Mighty Wings really wants us to succeed. Even when you fail their door is open, not saying it’s without consequences, but they’re there to assist, help and grow you through your recovery process. AP 1 & 2 made a big impact in letting go of the past and experiencing self-forgiveness. Thirdly being on a Comm Ban made me realise that sometimes less said and more action has a much greater effective with a bigger impact.
In growing my relationship with God I’ve also learned that I need to be tolerant to my relationships and rebuilding them. Regaining their trust has been hard. I’ve made amends and showed through my commitment, testing clean and change in attitude that I’m back to the person they’ve always been able to depend on and love.
So now the old is gone and the new Celeste is here to stay….. No more through the nights, no more lack of boundaries, no more starvation and above all no more dishonesty. Through my addition I had to always cover my tracks on all the selective truths I told. Now I can just be and live my life in transparency not having to worry what might be found in my car, handbag or pockets. I don’t need to be scared that things will come out and bite me in the back.
To end off…. If there is any advice that I can give you it would be this…. Be grateful for the opportunity to change your life, Walk this journey hand in hand with the Lord your Savior and do it for yourself…. Not to impress your family, friends, work colleagues…. Do it because you decided and chose to make a difference in your own life…. Once you are committed everything else with time will fall into place as is God’s will for you!!! He has amazing plans for us…. All we have to say is Lord here I am.
I’d like to leave you with this scripture that carried me through up to now….
Psalm 118:4-6
Now let those who fear the Lord say that his loving kindness endures forever.
Out of my distress, I called on the Lord.
The Lord answered me with freedom.
The Lord is on my side.
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
Amen
Before I started my recovery at Mighty Wings my life was in complete chaos. I never slept or ate, I lost so much weight that I ended up weighing 42kg and could not sit in a bath without a pillow cause my skeleton was drilling into the base of the bath.
I was obsessive, paranoid and lived without any boundaries. I tried to save everyone that crossed my path. I picked up ho-bo’s off the street and gave them everything I had in my house to help them. From giving them a shower and breakfast at my house to clearing out my fridge, cosmetics, and other essentials they needed. I was lonely and indirectly they became my friends and someone to speak to. I also knew they were to desperate to judge me.
I argued with everyone who cared for me and even told my mom that if she doesn’t leave me and my life alone I’ll kill her. She was so scared of me (her Angel child she called me from brith) that she immediately installed a trellidor for extra protection. I lied on a daily basis and was convinced that people were following and somehow spying on me through my security system in the house – How Bazaar!!!
I would be unable to sleep and decide to go for a walk at 4am in the morning with my torch, cellphone and sigi’s (my survival pack).
I didn’t buy groceries for myself only things that Declan ate and wanted. I reasoned with myself that it’s cheaper to use than it is to buy groceries daily.
My relationship with God was extreme. I was completely obsessed with my religion and tried to convert anybody that had ears to listen to become a disciples.
I had conversations with God reasoning with him about my use of substance and justifying it. I completely believed that he understands my circumstances and He still loves me unconditionally no matter me using. Anyway in my eyes I wasn’t doing anything wrong or harming anyone through my drug usage.
I carried my Bible in my handbag and would read pieces out of the Bible to the homeless people to help them in their struggles as well. My family (who are extremely religious) I called the devil and told them that God will punish them for how they’re treating me. I threw all their wrongs over the years in their faces and reminded them that they have no idea what I’m going through cause they’re not the widow trying to keep their life together after being married for only a month.
I was self-centered and wanted everything my way. On my time when, where and how I wanted it. I offended people daily cause I was tactless and said it like it is. I just wanted to be happy and anyone that put a downer on my mood was asked to leave my company immediately. They were spoil sports and wasn’t living life to the full – Way too serious for me.
I hit rock bottom when Declan (my 6 year old son) was taken away from me and placed in safe keeping with my mom because I forgot to pick him up from school.
I lost my mind completely in that time and used excessively …. Nothing and nobody mattered. Because he was away from me I had no responsibility towards anything and I used nonstop – day and night. I started experiencing psychosis and paranoia. I believed people were spying on me from the trees outside my house. I flew my kite in a park with my high heels on and directed the traffic outside my house with a hardhat while campaigning for “fathers for justice”. In my mind my dad lost interest in me and Declan’s father never featured or contributed to his life. So I was educating them while showing them where to turn.
The one day my mom sent the police to my house because she did not hear anything from me and was convinced that I might have overdosed. My mom then decided to take me to Thembisa hospital but she was so scared that I might attack her cause I don’t want to go that she asked the police to escort her to the hospital. I was put in the back of the van and driven to Thembisa Hospital…. It was then that I realised this is the end. My rock bottom continued cause after 6 weeks in Thembisa in the most horrible conditions you can possibly imagine I was transferred to Weskoppies Hospital. I stayed there in the worst possible conditions for another 3 weeks. By the end of that process I had enough time to think about how I destroyed my life in less than 3 months. I lost everything I loved…. My Son, family, my home, my career, respect for myself, self-worth, purpose the list just continues.
I came to Mighty Wings before I went to Thembisa Hospital to find out what the programme was all about and whether they would be able to assist me with my addiction. I was extremely arrogant with Pastor Kennith and he told him that there is not much that I could learn from them because I’ve around the block a number of times. I was looking for the quick fix solution and he told me in no uncertain terms that I’m not ready to join the programme and need to think about it carefully and only when I’m 100% committed to change my ways that I can come back and try to apply again.
After I had time to think about what I want in my life I came to see Pastor Kennith again…. This time it was completely different. I basically begged him to allow me to join as I needed the help and was prepared to do anything to get my life back on track. After vigorous debate and me convincing him I’m ready he allowed me to sign up with Mighty Wings. I felt blessed!!! I was placed on an immediate Comm Ban for a few weeks – I was shocked, cause believe me speaking is one of my most favourite pastimes’, but didn’t care – as I said I was determined to make this work for myself and my family. I wanted to change for myself – nobody else!
My Relationship with God grew even stronger since I’ve joined Mighty Wings. I’ve learned that praying is one thing but obedience is another. I’ve invested time and effort into my relationship with God. I attend Discipleship on Monday’s as often as I can, I read my Bible for guidance, I’ve learned to pray in tongues and I have a respectful relationship with God. I don’t negotiate and justify to Him anymore. I know wrong from right and live in grace and obedience to Him.
Mighty Wings has taught me so much, I’ve come into the programme not knowing what to expect but promised myself that I will give it my all. I’ve kept to the rules and boundaries set through the organisation and my recovery programme. I’ve attending not only the usual days during the week but I also participated in the additional courses such as AP 1 & 2, transformation, Discipleship, Mentorship and whatever other activities they have offered like soccer days, work parties etc. Working the programme and putting my 100% effort into it has allowed me to be proud of my commitment and clean time. I’ve put so much effort into my groups and homework that lapsing or failing is just not an option. I would hate to fail and lose all the effort that I’ve put in to date. I truly believe this is not just a recovering programme for addicts and their supporter. I believe that if more “normal” people in the world could experience the programme we will have much better equipped humans out there to cope with real life challenges that get thrown at us on a daily basis.
There’s a few things that really stuck out for me during my time here and one of them is that Mighty Wings really wants us to succeed. Even when you fail their door is open, not saying it’s without consequences, but they’re there to assist, help and grow you through your recovery process. AP 1 & 2 made a big impact in letting go of the past and experiencing self-forgiveness. Thirdly being on a Comm Ban made me realise that sometimes less said and more action has a much greater effective with a bigger impact.
In growing my relationship with God I’ve also learned that I need to be tolerant to my relationships and rebuilding them. Regaining their trust has been hard. I’ve made amends and showed through my commitment, testing clean and change in attitude that I’m back to the person they’ve always been able to depend on and love.
So now the old is gone and the new Celeste is here to stay….. No more through the nights, no more lack of boundaries, no more starvation and above all no more dishonesty. Through my addition I had to always cover my tracks on all the selective truths I told. Now I can just be and live my life in transparency not having to worry what might be found in my car, handbag or pockets. I don’t need to be scared that things will come out and bite me in the back.
To end off…. If there is any advice that I can give you it would be this…. Be grateful for the opportunity to change your life, Walk this journey hand in hand with the Lord your Savior and do it for yourself…. Not to impress your family, friends, work colleagues…. Do it because you decided and chose to make a difference in your own life…. Once you are committed everything else with time will fall into place as is God’s will for you!!! He has amazing plans for us…. All we have to say is Lord here I am.
I’d like to leave you with this scripture that carried me through up to now….
Psalm 118:4-6
Now let those who fear the Lord say that his loving kindness endures forever.
Out of my distress, I called on the Lord.
The Lord answered me with freedom.
The Lord is on my side.
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
Amen