Hi everyone, I am a supporter who struggles with Co - dependency.
Before recovery my life had reached a point where I hadn't ever thought it would. In my Matric year I started dating this boy who I thought was the next best thing since chocolate! Like most relationships the beginning was amazing, and within the 1st year I had experienced the "ultimate" love. Or so I thought. In our 2nd year things began to spiral. This perception of a perfect world began to disintegrate at a very slow pace. Our relationship became unstable, on & off; he began to lie to me and cheated on me more times then I was even aware of. I stayed, in hopes that he would change. In 2010 I discovered that he was using drugs. In my ignorance to addiction, and what it was doing to our lifes, I decided that I would take it on to try and fix him myself.
From this time on, my Co - dependency became my boyfriends saving grace. Every time he found himself in trouble he knew he could rely on me to solve everything. I kept his addiction from his parents and my entire family. I protected him and his addiction at any cost. I often helped him with money, and it was often to my own detriment. I protected him from conflict with his family and friends, I even tried to protect him from his dealer whom he had made promises to. When my boyfriend lost jobs, id be job hunting for him, and he would be at home relaxing, pressure-free. I spent alot of time trying to protect and save him from consequences of his own mistakes. I thought that if I made life somewhat easy for him, that he would see that he didn't need drugs.
I grew up in a family who knew the Lord, and I had a good relationship with God. I even allowed that to perish when I turned all my focus to my boyfriend. I prayed very little and had lost my belief that God could make all things right. I didn't want to surrender to his will.
By this time in my life, I had very little friends. The ones I did have, knew better than to rely on me, as my only priority was my boyfriend. I withdrew from socialising because I would always bump into people who would fill me in on his where abouts and doings. I wasn't a fan of bumping into the truth. I withdrew and isolated myself from the only people who had my best interest at heart: my family. My relationship with my mother was a disaster, I was always irritable and ugly to her... and all she did was care.
In 2013 he moved into my parents house, as his family had had enough. I thought by having him under my wing, I could control his addiction, but it only spiraled more and more out of my control. I spent my entire time investigating his every move that a full nights sleep became foreign to me. I tried to leave the relationship alot in this time, but I was manipulated into thinking I was the only one who was good for him. The truth was that I was the only one who was enabling him.
My rock bottom was in Aug 2013. My boyfriend and I got into a heated argument, that we both completely disrespected my parents and their home. The argument aroused because I bumped into the truth I tried so hard to ignore. 2 truths of which really hit home, 1; His addiction began in the 2nd year of our relationship. The other was that he had pawned a cross and chain I bought him for his next fix. It made me furious as I was an appy when I got him that gift, I earned very little. I know how hard I worked to get him that. I realised that threatening to leave him wasn't going to make him stop, because he knew I was never going to leave. That he could do as he pleased, I would be there to clean up the mess. I realised that as much as he was bad for me, I was bad for him.
I decided that I was done, that I couldn't live in this insanity any longer. So it was time for change. I had a colleague who had joined MW and I had seen his life change tremendously. I joined MW end of September 2013. It wasn't long before I found Christ again and my life began to change rapidly. My boyfriend & I began to grow separately. 2 months into our programme, he relapsed, and I was able to enforce my consequence and leave the relationship after 5 years and 9 months.
My relationship with Christ was restored and was the main foundation of my strength to deal with the break-up and the after affects of addiction. What helped me most was the scripture of Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This verse is in true relation of how my life has changed since I found recovery.
Working the programme was my best move yet. Not only do I have a relationship with God again, I am more aware of addiction, my character defects as well as my co- dependency.
The step that touched my heart was Turn. The minute I began to practice it, my life changed for the very best. To turn my life to the Lord, with all my worries and fears, I found peace, and faith like never before.
God has changed my life and still continues to do so. My mom and I are closer than ever before. I now partake in family events full heartedly and shameless. My sisters and I are more than just sisters, we are friends. My new friendships are based on common morals, values and believes. I cant thank God enough for everyone in my life.
My withdrawal and isolation coping skills are something of the past. I now deal with problems at hand. My co- dependency has improved tremendously, Thanks to MW. Amoung many, one of my bottom lines is that I will not take ownership of anyone's life / problems but my own.
My walk with God has gone from broken to a constant relationship everyday. I know that he will never leave my side and I am constantly doing my best to surrender to his will in all aspects of my life.
Working my programme at MW has changed my life 360°. I have grown so much as a person. I have learned so much about God, people, love, healthy relationships and much more. I now facilitate groups on both Thursdays and Sundays, and learn & grow each and every time.
What I have to say to a new comer or anyone who wants to change their life's for the best: you don't have to live with chaos any more than what you want to. It isn't easy but anything that's worth it will cost you some fight but I can tell you, its worth every second of fight.
Thank You!
Before recovery my life had reached a point where I hadn't ever thought it would. In my Matric year I started dating this boy who I thought was the next best thing since chocolate! Like most relationships the beginning was amazing, and within the 1st year I had experienced the "ultimate" love. Or so I thought. In our 2nd year things began to spiral. This perception of a perfect world began to disintegrate at a very slow pace. Our relationship became unstable, on & off; he began to lie to me and cheated on me more times then I was even aware of. I stayed, in hopes that he would change. In 2010 I discovered that he was using drugs. In my ignorance to addiction, and what it was doing to our lifes, I decided that I would take it on to try and fix him myself.
From this time on, my Co - dependency became my boyfriends saving grace. Every time he found himself in trouble he knew he could rely on me to solve everything. I kept his addiction from his parents and my entire family. I protected him and his addiction at any cost. I often helped him with money, and it was often to my own detriment. I protected him from conflict with his family and friends, I even tried to protect him from his dealer whom he had made promises to. When my boyfriend lost jobs, id be job hunting for him, and he would be at home relaxing, pressure-free. I spent alot of time trying to protect and save him from consequences of his own mistakes. I thought that if I made life somewhat easy for him, that he would see that he didn't need drugs.
I grew up in a family who knew the Lord, and I had a good relationship with God. I even allowed that to perish when I turned all my focus to my boyfriend. I prayed very little and had lost my belief that God could make all things right. I didn't want to surrender to his will.
By this time in my life, I had very little friends. The ones I did have, knew better than to rely on me, as my only priority was my boyfriend. I withdrew from socialising because I would always bump into people who would fill me in on his where abouts and doings. I wasn't a fan of bumping into the truth. I withdrew and isolated myself from the only people who had my best interest at heart: my family. My relationship with my mother was a disaster, I was always irritable and ugly to her... and all she did was care.
In 2013 he moved into my parents house, as his family had had enough. I thought by having him under my wing, I could control his addiction, but it only spiraled more and more out of my control. I spent my entire time investigating his every move that a full nights sleep became foreign to me. I tried to leave the relationship alot in this time, but I was manipulated into thinking I was the only one who was good for him. The truth was that I was the only one who was enabling him.
My rock bottom was in Aug 2013. My boyfriend and I got into a heated argument, that we both completely disrespected my parents and their home. The argument aroused because I bumped into the truth I tried so hard to ignore. 2 truths of which really hit home, 1; His addiction began in the 2nd year of our relationship. The other was that he had pawned a cross and chain I bought him for his next fix. It made me furious as I was an appy when I got him that gift, I earned very little. I know how hard I worked to get him that. I realised that threatening to leave him wasn't going to make him stop, because he knew I was never going to leave. That he could do as he pleased, I would be there to clean up the mess. I realised that as much as he was bad for me, I was bad for him.
I decided that I was done, that I couldn't live in this insanity any longer. So it was time for change. I had a colleague who had joined MW and I had seen his life change tremendously. I joined MW end of September 2013. It wasn't long before I found Christ again and my life began to change rapidly. My boyfriend & I began to grow separately. 2 months into our programme, he relapsed, and I was able to enforce my consequence and leave the relationship after 5 years and 9 months.
My relationship with Christ was restored and was the main foundation of my strength to deal with the break-up and the after affects of addiction. What helped me most was the scripture of Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This verse is in true relation of how my life has changed since I found recovery.
Working the programme was my best move yet. Not only do I have a relationship with God again, I am more aware of addiction, my character defects as well as my co- dependency.
The step that touched my heart was Turn. The minute I began to practice it, my life changed for the very best. To turn my life to the Lord, with all my worries and fears, I found peace, and faith like never before.
God has changed my life and still continues to do so. My mom and I are closer than ever before. I now partake in family events full heartedly and shameless. My sisters and I are more than just sisters, we are friends. My new friendships are based on common morals, values and believes. I cant thank God enough for everyone in my life.
My withdrawal and isolation coping skills are something of the past. I now deal with problems at hand. My co- dependency has improved tremendously, Thanks to MW. Amoung many, one of my bottom lines is that I will not take ownership of anyone's life / problems but my own.
My walk with God has gone from broken to a constant relationship everyday. I know that he will never leave my side and I am constantly doing my best to surrender to his will in all aspects of my life.
Working my programme at MW has changed my life 360°. I have grown so much as a person. I have learned so much about God, people, love, healthy relationships and much more. I now facilitate groups on both Thursdays and Sundays, and learn & grow each and every time.
What I have to say to a new comer or anyone who wants to change their life's for the best: you don't have to live with chaos any more than what you want to. It isn't easy but anything that's worth it will cost you some fight but I can tell you, its worth every second of fight.
Thank You!