I am a believer and recovering addict that struggled with drug abuse from the age of 16. I was raised by my grandparents. I felt loved by my whole family. I was close to my grandfather, when I was 16 my grandfather passed away and this sent my world spinning out of control, I became rebellious not listening to anybody. The first drug I encountered was marijuana, my friends and I would do it at school; at this point we would even steal benzene from the labs and take sleeping tablets just to be high. By the time I reached matric my addiction escalated to ecstasy.
Eventually all that mattered in my life was having enough money for marijuana. Marijuana opened doors to other drug use like Ecstasy, Acid, CAT and cocaine. My habits controlled my finances causing me allot of financial stress. Before I knew it the drug downward spiral began. I went from weekend using to daily use. Because of my addiction I hated control from my family and always wanted things my way, which lead to me moving from place to place not having a stable family life. I move out of my parent’s house. Because my habit took so much money I turned to selling drugs and helping friends with illegal activities. Like stripping down stolen cars and selling stolen goods for extra cash. I eventually became friends with the gangster’s in the area I grow up in, they would supply us with free drugs and we would drive around with unlicensed firearms. At the age of 24 I moved far away from all of this. Because I was away from that kind of life I went into a dry addiction, meaning I stopped using but did not deal with my addiction and this was the time I met new friends, got involved in church was baptised and met my wife. Life felt good again I felt loved and cared for, I had a sense of belonging. I even managed to restore family relationship. But in all this time I did not deal with my addiction. My drug use started again 6 months into my marriage. The old me surfaced which was a big shock to my wife as this was not who she fell in love with. My family relationships started to fall apart again. For 3 and half years into my marriage my addiction controlled my life. I walked away from a relationship with God. I became both emotionally and physically abusive towards my wife. Also really aggressive towards others. I would go out with friends leaving my wife home alone causing her to stress about the state I was in.I would make half efforts to go on dates with my wife. One of my wife’s love languages is Quality Time and because I was not fulfilling this role she felt more and more unloved. My addiction got me into trouble more than once with our landlord and we almost lost our home.I was really selfish and arrogant forcing my own way. Every night I went to bed feeling empty, sad and alone questioning what my life was worth living for. My rock bottom was when mentally I was in a different mind-set,my brain was really fried, speech became a problem, reading became a problem, my memory was shot I would forget conversations while having conversations. I became more aggressive and really paranoid thinking people are out to get me and police are watching me. My wife couldn’t handle it anymore, after one incident whereby we both nearly got arrested in a park because I was using and dragged her along;she then moved away from me and even got a protection order against me.I could feel I was losing my wife and my family. I have never felt so alone confused and afraid ever before, and that’s when it hit me that I need help the kind of help that nobody would force on me but the help that my loved ones will support me in.
During my time alone I remembered my wife always speaking about this recovery centre one of her colleagues attended and how much it helped him restore his life. I gave it thought and for the first time in 3 years I prayed saying God give me the courage. I googled Mighty Wings got the number and put the call off for at least a day. I eventually made the call and spoke to a leading edge member. This is the one call I don’t regret making that day. I remember my first time at Mighty Wings afraid; my biggest fear was if I stopped using I would go crazy. Once I got started with my program at Mighty Wings my wife moved back home and encouraged me. This was a scary time in my life not sure about the journey ahead of me. She would always remind me “It’s not how long the journey is but how I give myself to the journey”. The one scripture that hit home at this point is the scripture I used in my marriage proposal to my wife.Ecclesiastes4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour. And it goes on to say; though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. Acord of three stands is not quickly broken. At this point I realised I am missing the third strand “God”. I then set up a meeting with a long lost brother from church. I felt overwhelmed by the love and support I got from this brother after 3 years of turning my back on God. For the first time I had a deep meaningful conversation, and we prayed together. I walked away feeling encouraged. This is when I decided to start studying the Bible again; my first study was the book of Job. Jobs faithfulness to God challenged me. Through his example I built up the courage to believe that I can also be faithful to God and my recovery program. Because marijuana was my drug of choice I had a very high Nano count which took up to three months to clear from my system. I became discouraged at this and felt like quitting the program. But after my first 4 weeks of ERP I started enjoying learning how to fix and rebuild myself physically, financially and emotionally. My best positive confession is, “I can do this one hour at a time one day at a time. I can do this now”. When I reached this part of the program I already felt so much better and stronger. Getting into GAP was such a help for me especially since I struggled with controlling my emotions. I loved learning about different mind-sets this part of the program helped me established my identity. Going through GAP I also grew in my confidence. Anger management taught me I don’t have to be angry in order for me to be heard. The biggest achievement I walked away with from Anger management was the ability to talk from the “I” communicating how I feel and notpointing fingers.
I then started The 12 Steps. Each lesson from The 12 Steps impacted my life but the biggest impact and life changing Step was Step 4. Doing my inventory at first I was afraid to visit my past and the first scripture in this Step Lamentations 3:40 “Let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord” allowed my heart to accept the fact that I needed to address my old hurts and hang-up’s.I am grateful to God that I had a safe place in which I could open up about my past.
The one lesson that I also hold close to my heart is the lesson on HOPE, the acrostic for the word HOPE in this lesson is Higher Power - Openness to Change - Power to Change - Expect to change. This lesson showed me with God by my side I have Hope in my Father in Heaven, hope in recovery, and hope of a better life but it’s all up to me to make the change. After doing my inventory with my facilitator, I felt so much weight lifted from my chest I could feel Gods favour upon my life and the ability to forgive became easy.
Ever since I have been in recovery I have seen so many changes in my life. My marriage has grown. Our communication is no longer out of hostility but out of love, gentleness and understanding. I am more considerate of my wife’s feelings and needs. We are able to have deep conversationsin a loving way. My relationship with my family has grown closer I always use to joke and say my family loves me but does not like me. But now I can see and say my family loves me and likes me allot. God has restored my relationships and helped me humble myself.I do notthink of myself only, I think how my actions will affect others. I have become less aggressive and no longer have angry outbursts
I started taking care of my heath I am now aware of what I put into my body. I have learned to take responsibility for my household, and my family can rely on me. I am able to create my own happiness without the dependence of a substance. I learnt to establish my own identity and accept and love myself for who I am. Ever since I started recovery my walk with God has been transformed. I now rely on God through prayer and reading my Bible. I also have a much better understanding of God’s grace in my life. I am able to put my faith and trust in God. I now believe that God is real and hears my every prayer and that he is with me and have never left me. My wife and I are also able to pray togetherand it also helps us understand each other much better.
Some of the great benefits I received from working the program.
I learned how to be accountable and how to manage my emotions. I am disciplined with how I use my time, and I have learnt ways to stay safe from a relapse and to choose people in my life that would benefit my recovery. I also learned how to create boundaries that are not self-seeking; boundaries that help memanage my life and also protect me from getting hurt.
The encouragement I would like to give to new comers starts with
Isaiah 59: 1 surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
Whenever I think of this scripture I always picture God holding one arm out and another on his ear saying “Come let’s talk ,tell me what I can do for you.” Starting the program might be hard in the beginning especially the first 100 days and all the rules, but trust me all this has been put into place for you to stay safe. Remember even the shiniest diamonds go through a time of refinement under high heated pressure before they reach their highest value.
Eventually all that mattered in my life was having enough money for marijuana. Marijuana opened doors to other drug use like Ecstasy, Acid, CAT and cocaine. My habits controlled my finances causing me allot of financial stress. Before I knew it the drug downward spiral began. I went from weekend using to daily use. Because of my addiction I hated control from my family and always wanted things my way, which lead to me moving from place to place not having a stable family life. I move out of my parent’s house. Because my habit took so much money I turned to selling drugs and helping friends with illegal activities. Like stripping down stolen cars and selling stolen goods for extra cash. I eventually became friends with the gangster’s in the area I grow up in, they would supply us with free drugs and we would drive around with unlicensed firearms. At the age of 24 I moved far away from all of this. Because I was away from that kind of life I went into a dry addiction, meaning I stopped using but did not deal with my addiction and this was the time I met new friends, got involved in church was baptised and met my wife. Life felt good again I felt loved and cared for, I had a sense of belonging. I even managed to restore family relationship. But in all this time I did not deal with my addiction. My drug use started again 6 months into my marriage. The old me surfaced which was a big shock to my wife as this was not who she fell in love with. My family relationships started to fall apart again. For 3 and half years into my marriage my addiction controlled my life. I walked away from a relationship with God. I became both emotionally and physically abusive towards my wife. Also really aggressive towards others. I would go out with friends leaving my wife home alone causing her to stress about the state I was in.I would make half efforts to go on dates with my wife. One of my wife’s love languages is Quality Time and because I was not fulfilling this role she felt more and more unloved. My addiction got me into trouble more than once with our landlord and we almost lost our home.I was really selfish and arrogant forcing my own way. Every night I went to bed feeling empty, sad and alone questioning what my life was worth living for. My rock bottom was when mentally I was in a different mind-set,my brain was really fried, speech became a problem, reading became a problem, my memory was shot I would forget conversations while having conversations. I became more aggressive and really paranoid thinking people are out to get me and police are watching me. My wife couldn’t handle it anymore, after one incident whereby we both nearly got arrested in a park because I was using and dragged her along;she then moved away from me and even got a protection order against me.I could feel I was losing my wife and my family. I have never felt so alone confused and afraid ever before, and that’s when it hit me that I need help the kind of help that nobody would force on me but the help that my loved ones will support me in.
During my time alone I remembered my wife always speaking about this recovery centre one of her colleagues attended and how much it helped him restore his life. I gave it thought and for the first time in 3 years I prayed saying God give me the courage. I googled Mighty Wings got the number and put the call off for at least a day. I eventually made the call and spoke to a leading edge member. This is the one call I don’t regret making that day. I remember my first time at Mighty Wings afraid; my biggest fear was if I stopped using I would go crazy. Once I got started with my program at Mighty Wings my wife moved back home and encouraged me. This was a scary time in my life not sure about the journey ahead of me. She would always remind me “It’s not how long the journey is but how I give myself to the journey”. The one scripture that hit home at this point is the scripture I used in my marriage proposal to my wife.Ecclesiastes4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour. And it goes on to say; though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. Acord of three stands is not quickly broken. At this point I realised I am missing the third strand “God”. I then set up a meeting with a long lost brother from church. I felt overwhelmed by the love and support I got from this brother after 3 years of turning my back on God. For the first time I had a deep meaningful conversation, and we prayed together. I walked away feeling encouraged. This is when I decided to start studying the Bible again; my first study was the book of Job. Jobs faithfulness to God challenged me. Through his example I built up the courage to believe that I can also be faithful to God and my recovery program. Because marijuana was my drug of choice I had a very high Nano count which took up to three months to clear from my system. I became discouraged at this and felt like quitting the program. But after my first 4 weeks of ERP I started enjoying learning how to fix and rebuild myself physically, financially and emotionally. My best positive confession is, “I can do this one hour at a time one day at a time. I can do this now”. When I reached this part of the program I already felt so much better and stronger. Getting into GAP was such a help for me especially since I struggled with controlling my emotions. I loved learning about different mind-sets this part of the program helped me established my identity. Going through GAP I also grew in my confidence. Anger management taught me I don’t have to be angry in order for me to be heard. The biggest achievement I walked away with from Anger management was the ability to talk from the “I” communicating how I feel and notpointing fingers.
I then started The 12 Steps. Each lesson from The 12 Steps impacted my life but the biggest impact and life changing Step was Step 4. Doing my inventory at first I was afraid to visit my past and the first scripture in this Step Lamentations 3:40 “Let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord” allowed my heart to accept the fact that I needed to address my old hurts and hang-up’s.I am grateful to God that I had a safe place in which I could open up about my past.
The one lesson that I also hold close to my heart is the lesson on HOPE, the acrostic for the word HOPE in this lesson is Higher Power - Openness to Change - Power to Change - Expect to change. This lesson showed me with God by my side I have Hope in my Father in Heaven, hope in recovery, and hope of a better life but it’s all up to me to make the change. After doing my inventory with my facilitator, I felt so much weight lifted from my chest I could feel Gods favour upon my life and the ability to forgive became easy.
Ever since I have been in recovery I have seen so many changes in my life. My marriage has grown. Our communication is no longer out of hostility but out of love, gentleness and understanding. I am more considerate of my wife’s feelings and needs. We are able to have deep conversationsin a loving way. My relationship with my family has grown closer I always use to joke and say my family loves me but does not like me. But now I can see and say my family loves me and likes me allot. God has restored my relationships and helped me humble myself.I do notthink of myself only, I think how my actions will affect others. I have become less aggressive and no longer have angry outbursts
I started taking care of my heath I am now aware of what I put into my body. I have learned to take responsibility for my household, and my family can rely on me. I am able to create my own happiness without the dependence of a substance. I learnt to establish my own identity and accept and love myself for who I am. Ever since I started recovery my walk with God has been transformed. I now rely on God through prayer and reading my Bible. I also have a much better understanding of God’s grace in my life. I am able to put my faith and trust in God. I now believe that God is real and hears my every prayer and that he is with me and have never left me. My wife and I are also able to pray togetherand it also helps us understand each other much better.
Some of the great benefits I received from working the program.
I learned how to be accountable and how to manage my emotions. I am disciplined with how I use my time, and I have learnt ways to stay safe from a relapse and to choose people in my life that would benefit my recovery. I also learned how to create boundaries that are not self-seeking; boundaries that help memanage my life and also protect me from getting hurt.
The encouragement I would like to give to new comers starts with
Isaiah 59: 1 surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
Whenever I think of this scripture I always picture God holding one arm out and another on his ear saying “Come let’s talk ,tell me what I can do for you.” Starting the program might be hard in the beginning especially the first 100 days and all the rules, but trust me all this has been put into place for you to stay safe. Remember even the shiniest diamonds go through a time of refinement under high heated pressure before they reach their highest value.