Testimonial
 
What was the insanity of my life before recovery?
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Well, at 38 years of age I look back and realize I’ve been a drug addict for well over 20 years. My relationship with drugs can best be described as a tortoise and the hare story with me being the tortoise. I slowly but surely got so attached to drugs that in the end it had engulfed me and I got to the end of the road where I had to choose, if I don’t change this now I’ll be one for the next 38 years or in other words for the rest of my life (knowing that if I continued I’d be lucky to reach that age).
It all started so paradoxically with my childhood. I came from a very loving, ‘normal’ family- my parents were strong Christians who made my childhood as comfortable as one could. We grew up in a normal suburb in Cape Town and did normal things growing up and grew up a happy, satisfied kid.
Things quickly changed with my parents getting divorced and before that the ambulances came to my house a few times after my mom had overdosed on pills, secondly my older brother (by 7 years) was seriously rebellious and by the age my Dad remarried (around 14) had embarked on a very serious drug addiction that would follow him for the next 20+ years. So now I was questioning my normal life and slowly questioning things like who I was and what I wanted to be and could be which are normal teenage thoughts. These thoughts were scattered from healthy ones of being anything I wanted to be to unhealthy ones of wanting to be the best and be different and cool and and, a neutral one being that I needed to understand this drug thing, it had affected my mom and my brother- my actual response years later would be far from healthy. I was not these things though, I was just a normal person yet I wouldn’t accept this. For this reason the concept of drugs took root in my life- being in a different state of mind was what I was looking for because it would make me better that what I was.
Actually doing it though started at the age of around 14 at a Christian guest farm which we would go to each year on holiday when I got drunk for the first time. Wow, this was great I thought, every ‘normal person’ does it and it’s so cool unlike my parents who’ve never been drunk in my lifetime. My stepbrother was smoking weed which too was wow.
Then it was drinking and smoking weed with my mates in my later teens. The effects of weed was something enormously powerful and one which I distinctly did not enjoy. However, the stigma that it was cool and chilled made me try relentlessly to overcome and get on top of it.
During and after varsity it was the powerful effects of E and cocaine that got me to realise the power of drugs. Watching a friend spiral into cocaine addiction made me realise that the strongest people can get addicted but my mind still couldn’t figure out why. Cocaine just didn’t do it for me. However I was still in control of my ‘teenage’ thoughts, drugs were bad, it was recreational and I could distance myself but the effects of drugs and alcohol had taken root- ‘they could change me’.
Going to Joburg to get back into architecture and taking Cat was the trigger. Here was a drug that I could apply to work/’bettering’ myself and to understanding the mysticism of why people get addicted to a little bag of powder. Basically it was exactly what I was looking for, staying awake working like a machine into the unpleasant long hours of the night when normal people were sleeping, I could design societies greatest buildings while understanding this in explainable habit of drug taking that caused people to go crazy and steal their mother’s TV.
This is where the real insanity started, for the next ten years I would consume copious amount of Cat while working ridiculous hours on all sorts of things, office work, personal goals and dreams, ideas etc. all in the hope of doing ‘great’ things. But the results were always the same, I would get my work done no better or faster, my amazing ideas remained just that- ideas. However, my life was a mess on all levels. All I was doing was working, flogging a dead horse. My friendships were failing. My financials were dismal, I blew a 10000 Swiss Franc (R100000) inheritance, sold my classic car and got into R170000 debt with my parents. I was in a classic drug addict state, loads of drug effort and only ruin to show for it.
 
Looking back, three things underline my naivety and progression into drug addiction. The first is the ‘innocent’ drinking- me enjoying what I saw a socially normal activity was the beginning of a lifelong lifestyle
Secondly, needing drugs for ‘fun’- this started to isolate me. It kept me in the zone where I needed ‘fun’ as an escape of everyday life.
Thirdly, using drugs ‘seriously’ to fix, understand, get things done etc. - it’s a complete contradiction and complication.
 
My relationship with God completely degraded. Before addiction it was based on what I had learned as a kid and the behaviour of my parents who are strong Christians. I had developed a very immature foundation. When I needed it most I found there was no commitment, no effort and no understanding on my part.
During addiction I pushed God away purely by my actions. I was doing things my way. Funnily enough I was always on the ‘telephone’ to God. Asking for help all the time, unfortunately this was limited to help with traffic when I was late, pleas for my salary to be in so I could buy, and begging for my voice to not stammer when trying to have a conversation high as a kite. Totally insane.
At the end my relationship started taking the form of where his power is shown- I was in a state of despair. I was rotten, broken and I really starting to ask for help.
 
My attitude to others was exactly like my attitude to myself. Before addiction I was easy going, shy, not too self-confident to be arrogant and liked most people. During addiction, as I started hating myself more, others became the problem too.
In the beginning I was curious. I needed to understand people through my drug use. People pleasing came naturally.
During addiction though I was fully egotistical to prop up the failing image of myself and to the end of addiction I had genuine fear and paranoia of people.
My rock bottom hit over two stages
1-      First was when I stopped getting work done
2-      Second was when I realised I couldn’t stop
Although I realised I probably couldn’t stop I was getting loads of work done (or so I thought) and I could maintain my bluff especially in a crazy office environment of a previous company. However, very soon after I moved to a new company all this pressure was removed. I wasn’t expected to work late, they weren’t interested in getting loads done, and just a 9-5 and do what’s needed. My environment of years that required drug use was dissolved. So now I chose to use rather than had to and the effect was insane- I suddenly struggled to get the smallest thing done and on a small private job simply couldn’t even design a bedroom/bathroom addition. This shook me to the core and I had a feeling the time had come to stop.
Stopping was interesting, the more I tried the more frustrated I got and the more drugs I took. So I tried harder. The logic took care of the rest, I wasn’t stopping on my own!
 
I had been speaking to my brother about my problem and gone to my boss at work to let him know about my problem (mainly as a way to not get fired) and both of them had an attitude of “thank you for telling me” but “what are you going to do about it?” In my infinite wisdom I replied that I would fight this by myself as I believed there were two ways to go- full time rehab meaning months off work which I could ill afford or meetings where there was too much freedom. I knew deep down I needed to be tested regularly, that was the trick to getting me to stop, but I couldn’t find a programme or centre or at least not on the Internet. What happened next I can only describe as a miracle? About a week after telling my boss about my addiction one of the members of Mighty Wings, through his uncle who is at our office, started there to keep busy and sober and through chatting found out about exactly what I was looking for. A month later, after what could probably be described as a relapse within a relapse within a relapse practically every single day, I gave in to this madness and committed to attend the programme.
 
Walking a road of recovery is like taking the road less travelled, it is exactly the road God would want us to take because it is often hard and boy is it cool! My relationship with Jesus Christ has been revealed through my recovery. This is no mean statement as they are both intertwined- strengthening each one comes about from and strengthens the other. Recovery to me is about dealing with drugs, Jesus is about dealing with life. By dealing with one drug problem I now have two life solutions. 
A relationship with Jesus has helped appreciate my Past, helped me appreciate my upbringing and my life till now- it is not a failure but a journey of discovery
It has helped appreciate the Present- it has given me purpose- my life is not unpleasant but rather one where there are gifts and happiness lying in every second of the day.
And it has provided hope for the Future- it has given me direction.
 
Working the programme, by being Christ centred, is already infused with Commitment, Appreciation and Hope. Actually working it develops and connects my mind and lifestyle, the two aspects I believe are needed for a life-long commitment.
-           It provides Routine
This helped me to stop. The testing and twice weekly commitment eliminated all the mental juggling.  
-          It provides Content
This will help me to stop for the next 40 years. It deals with the core which is my mind and strengthens it.
On top of this there is there added bonus of meeting with a fantastic, unique and interesting bunch of people twice a week.  
 
I am indebted to a single step of the 12 in the programme- that is the one regarding Sanity. To see that it is a fundamental step in recovery and understanding it purely by feeling it after some time was a wonderful revelation. There is nothing to think about or debate, it is purely the result of my actions and commitment to myself. That fuzzy feeling one gets knowing you are in this sane zone is in fact a fortress that protects me daily.
 
God has brought honesty and repair to my relationships. He has connected me to my good friends. He has allowed me to give and not just to take,

Drug use brought about some unreal aspects to my life- Mental chaos, the fundamental fear of what I was doing, deep down negativity, hopelessness, financial chaos.

Simply by staying clean I am doing two things that change my walk with God- I am respecting my body and mind and through this I am respecting God.
The fear is gone
Love for myself is developing
 Gratitude to God for my existence has replaced constant pleas and thank you’s  
I can start talking to God and asking for help and guidance in the ‘normal’ aspects of my life
The effort is rewarded
 
My walk with the programme is also not without benefit.
There is:
Peace of mind and elimination of the all-consuming stress- it’s now
Respect from my friends
Respect, happiness, freedom at work
Private work
Clarity of mind to pursue my studies
A vastly improved relationship at home with my housemate
Revived self-confidence, structure and routine in my life, maturity, I feel the adult in me- I am responsible for myself
 
Probably the greatest benefit of the programme has been the reversal of the ‘what you put in is what you get out’ principle. Before, by constantly putting in drugs I would constantly get out chaos.
 
-My encouragement to someone new is simple. Before I came to Mighty Wings but after I had admitted I had a problem I phoned my brother to chat to him about my problem and seek some advice of what he had been through. I asked him to please give me one piece of advice to sum up how to deal with addiction and his answer was as profound as it was ridiculously obvious- Just don’t do drugs! Well, finding yourself here, please know that you will be hard-pressed to find yourself in a more God-given and perfect environment to do just that.

Hi  I am a recovering drug and gambling addict. I have been at Mighty Wings for 20 months and I am currently 10 months clean.

I started smoking dagga at the age of 13 when a friend’s mom allowed us to try it for the first time. I never believed that I would ever be addicted to hard drugs because I had seen the destruction my brother’s addiction had caused in my family. However dagga was not a hard drug. By the age of 15 I was smoking dagga every single day. I did well at school and was the captain of the rugby team, I also did well at varsity whilst smoking dagga. I was completely unashamed of this and everyone knew I smoked except my parents. I even started selling dagga at varsity. I actually believed that the smoking was assisting me and I never stopped to think what impact it was having on my life. All my friends were using CAT and kept offering me but I had always declined. One night at a party I broke up with a girlfriend and wanted to escape, so I asked my friend if I could try some CAT. This changed my life completely as I was instantly hooked.

I started using CAT to study and to give me energy when playing rugby, I would find any excuse possible to use and soon enough I was using every day. When I finished varsity I started my first real job as an auditor. I would constantly use at work to keep me focused, by this time I thought I may have a problem but I couldn’t do anything about it because I couldn’t face disappointing my family and I honestly believed that I performed better on the drugs. I stopped playing rugby and stopped socialising as I was constantly paranoid. This is when I started going to casinos to pass the time.

After a year of auditing I decided to join my brother-in-law in business. I was 22 years old and a director of a company, I really thought I was brilliant. What I failed to see was the person I had become. I was an impossible boss and very difficult to work with, I didn’t care about people or their problems and I was always quick to point out their faults. I was either angry or depressed. My family was so scared of me that they wouldn’t say anything about my behaviour out of fear of my reaction. I would blame my moods on the pressure I was under and I believed that no one understood what I was going through. I would spend my days using at work and spend my nights gambling in the casinos. I had very few friends but would tell my family I was spending time with friends just so I could spend hours in the casinos wasting money.

My rock bottom was when I had been using continuously for 5 day with no sleep. I was at the casino and I couldn’t leave. I had spent all my money and I stole money out of both our businesses and ended up losing R50,000.00 in one night. On my way home I blacked out and crashed my car. This was the first time I had ever blacked out and it really scared me. I went to my parents after this and asked them for help. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do because I knew how devastated they would be. It was also very difficult for my two sisters’ as the family has already been through this with my older brother, who is still in active addiction and currently in jail. I was nervous about recovery but they were terrified that I would go the same way as him. My parents found out about Mighty Wings and I decided to join the program.

Mighty Wings has changed my life in so many ways but most importantly it has given me the opportunity to reconnect with God., my spiritual journey has been amazing since being off drugs and I am so grateful to have a relationship with God.
 
However I did not believe that I was like all the other addicts. I was different and because I had never had a problem with alcohol I believed that I would drink again. I followed the program and went through all the motions but from day one I knew I would drink again one day, even if I had to wait a year or so. I simply didn’t believe that I would go back to drugs if I started drinking again, I thought it was just something they told us just in case. This attitude also affected my recovery because I was waiting to live life after I had completed my program.
After being clean for 10 months I decided that I deserved a drink, so I had a few beers. I then decided that I could go to the casino and gamble a little bit. I went to the casino and drank whiskey for most of the night, I spotted some people who were clearly using and I relapsed on CAT, I also lost another large amount of money and to top it off I wrote my car off on the way home and ended up in hospital. I had crashed into another car and could have seriously injured other person which terrifies me to this day. I had just thrown away 10 months of hard work away and I had gone full circle by having one drink. Just having that one drink will lead me straight down that path again and that is something I will never forget.

After my relapse I really took my recovery seriously. I worked hard on my program and I believe I am starting to see the benefits. I have stopped waiting to live life and I try to appreciate every moment. I play golf all the time and enjoy spending time with my family. I have new friends and strong relationships build on values and truth. I own and run two successful companies and enjoy watching them grow. I am playing rugby again which a long lost dream was before I came to Mighty Wings. I have amazing support in my family and our family relationships have grown stronger. Over and above this I now have God in my life, he has given me the strength to overcome anything. When I was on drugs I was always chasing something and was never satisfied. With God in my life there is an inner peace and acceptance. I can appreciate the small things and have a good laugh. I am no longer constantly scared, lonely or paranoid.
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What I would say to a newcomer at Mighty Wings is that there is a full, happy and healthy life waiting for you, a life full of happiness and peace, a life where your goals are achievable and you are a success. All you have to do is make that choice.
 
Thank you

My Testimony
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Good evening everybody. I am a believer who struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. I started using drugs and alcohol from the age of 17. In High school, I was smoking marijuana before school in the mornings and considered it a medicine instead of a drug. I would use it to study, I would smoke every time my parents or a family member had a disagreement with me, every time I was told I couldn’t do something I would escape from reality and get high. It was my way of not dealing with life. I would go out and come home drunk every weekend until I was expelled for drinking a 5 litre bottle of wine by myself in the bathroom in high school. This was a wake-up call to start taking note of my destructive behaviour. I realised that I might have a problem but the feeling I got when I was drunk overwhelmed me. I tried to keep it in control. This never lasted very long. In college I continued to smoke and my drinking escalated to a point that I had been arrested for drinking and driving. I spent one night in the RANDBURG holding cell. My mother came and bailed me out the next morning, I remember she was so disappointed with me, but I didn’t really understand why. To me, these were things that typically happen to people who go out and party. So I was over it very quickly. When I turned 21 years old, towards the end of my College years I was introduced to cocaine by my good friends and we would go out and use until the early hours of the morning. I would sneak out of my bedroom window through the burglar bars once everybody had gone off to bed. Then my friends would pick me up, or if I had petrol in my car I would put the gate motor on manual, roll my car out, push it down the street and start the engine away from my house. We would then go and use and drink excessively, then sneak back into my house at like 5am. I continued using only on occasions, at social gatherings and only when I was with my friends. I was fortunate enough to go abroad and study in Switzerland and complete my degree in Hospitality Management. When I arrived in Switzerland I promised myself I would work harder and study harder than anyone student on the same programme as me. This wasn’t the case at all, as I quickly made friends with students from South Africa and Zimbabwe who knew the party traits just as well as I did. Things didn’t go as I planned as I found myself drinking, using and smoking weed (mentally I found myself right back at home). I got tested and failed a random drug test this should have been yet another wake-up call that I should have taken into consideration but I didn’t. My parents asked me nicely to stop all my nonsense and I chose not to listen to them. I managed to pass my first year and returned for my second year. In my second year I lost a very good friend to drinking and abusing drugs. This put me in a state of depression, I used more by myself and drank even more by myself. I figured I didn’t need to be around people anymore. I still don’t know how I did it but I managed to obtain my Bachelor’s Degree and returned to South Africa at the end of 2009. By Feb 2010 I had found a job in the US and away I went. Being alone and not having any supervision I continued to smoke drink and use drug. I had no friends but that didn’t stop me from going out and partying. I remember getting really drunk in a club by myself, I passed out and started having a seizure and they called an ambulance that had to rush me to hospital. I woke up in hospital and I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. The nurses told me that my BAC level was really high (I’m not going to say how high) but I could have easily died that day. I phoned work to lie to them that someone spiked my drink and I was in hospital. That was the first time I had ever missed work. It didn’t even phase me that I had just survived something incredibly stupid and how lucky I was. I managed to complete my one year In Atlanta still partying my life away. I returned back to South Africa and 3 months later I got a really good job at The Saxon boutique hotel and everything started great, still smoking marijuana. 1 year and a half later, I know found myself hanging out with a younger crowed that I had randomly met at truth partying by myself. The only thing we had in common was the love of the party life. I was introduced to kat, but I enjoyed cocaine. After 5months I lost my job due to poor performance and they even made it look good for my sake of finding another job, I told my whole family that I got retrenched. At this point I was a heavy user of Kat and hit my first 7 days without sleep. I quickly found another job at The Pallazzo at Monte Casino, where I was made a supervisor in Room service. The money was good, I eventually moved out from mom & dad and lived on my own. I used drugs at work, I used drugs after work. I left work and was going straight to truth and from truth back to work when I worked weekends. I never spent time in my own flat, and was always at my mates. I was now introduced to crystal meth and I myself knew for a fact that I had reached a new level of low. But I ignored my inner self. I was now enjoying doing different drugs simultaneously, and couldn’t control myself when I would use. I was loud and bubby and was always in a crowd of very intoxicated people. The urges controlled me. When I ran out of money I started pawning my cell phone, my microwave, my TV and other equipment just before payday. On pay day I would had to go and buy my stuff back. Leaving me with not a lot of money for the month. I once snuck into my parents’ house in the middle of the night to steal cell phones, a TV and other stuff to sell and get more drugs. Not thinking twice about the consequences. I had lost my job for a second time this time it was due to me not meeting deadlines because I simply didn’t care. I didn’t even appreciate the fact that my parents furnished my whole apartment for me. After losing my second job I had to move back in with my parents. I stopped using because I knew I had a very big and uncontrollable problem. So did my parents. Who helped me buy most of my things back from the pawn shop. I sat at home getting clean and going to church and gyming. After 4 months of staying clean I eventually found a Job at the Westcliffe Hotel. After my first salary I went straight and bought my drugs of choice smoke marijuana that was my routine and drink alcohol until I passed out. I would drive to a park, lock myself in my car by myself and listen to music and intoxicate myself. My attitude towards other people was that I didn’t want to be around other people because  they would lecture me about my problem and also the squabbles that are always associated with people that use, all the arguing and fighting I did not want to be a part of that, I also got very hurt and felt used most of the time by my friends didn’t want to be associated with people that did drugs because I saw how bad others saw them (and also saw me), so if I did it alone by myself I lied to myself thinking it was okay to not let anyone see you doing drugs. I would outrun the police on the streets drive past at small roadblocks and would wait for cops to chase me. I enjoyed the thrill of driving out of control and I never got caught. I would drive in on the wrong side of the road in oncoming traffic just to get away from the cops and laugh about it afterwards. I eventually lost my 3rd Job because I disappeared from work for 5 days and switched my cell phone off. During my days absence from work I met a guy and a girl out on a random night who invited me to a memorial park where some very strange things happened that felt really unreal to me and I will never forget this verse from Psalms 23:23 The lord is my Sheppard I have everything I need. He lets me rest in fields of green grass and leads me to quiet pools of fresh water. He gives me new strength. He guides me in the right paths, as he has promised. Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me. Your shepherd’s rod and staff protect me. You prepare a banquet for me, where all my enemies can see me, you welcome me as an honoured guest and fill my cup the brim. I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life, and you house will be my home as long as I live. I don’t really want to mention what had happened to me. But I know for sure that God kept me safe during that deep and dark moment. My relationship with God was very poor at the time but coming from a Christian family that always attended church on a Sunday I began to pray to God and I believe he heard me that day. After that incident a few days later, my mother tricked me and got me to get into her car. We were supposedly going to visit someone she knew that had gone through the same struggles as what was happening to me, in the meantime I was actually going to rehab. I lasted one day, I don’t know how but a using friend found me, phoned the rehab I was in and asked the lady to pass the phone to me and asked me if I wanted to get out, I said yes and within ten minutes he was outside, I packed my bags and jumped into his car and we went on for another month of using and abusing drugs & alcohol. My mom managed to find me after living with my friend for a month, she threatened to call the cops on me. I went back home to live with my parents. My family decided that I needed professional help and I enrolled at NA, only to last 37 days clean after relapsing yet again. I sat at home getting clean again and not going out attending church 3 days a week. I noticed a pattern before, I would get clean, find a job and immediately after pay day or the second month of pay day I would go absolutely crazy and go mental for drugs. This needed to stop because I desperately wanted my old self back, I forgot the person I was because I knew that this wasn’t me.  I was scaring my family, I didn’t recognize myself I finally found a job at Little Tuscany after another 5 months of being clean sitting at home. After just three months of working there I went on another drug binge, right on pay day. This time it really went out of hand, I literally used all my salary in one weekend, when money was finished I sold every item of clothing that I had to petrol attendants, when I bought from my dealers and they didn’t one of my choice I substituted one drug for anything I could get and this lead me to using Heroin and I didn’t even know it until the next day and the withdrawals almost killed I didn’t even think twice the second time doing it. When I returned home my father said to me that I looked like I was 50 years old I looked so bad. I went down on my knees crying and begging my father to help me as I know that this would eventually kill me one day and I don’t want to die like this. I will never forget the feeling I felt that day, the feeling of death, the feeling of not being able to stop doing drugs, worst of all the feeling that it controlled me and me not it. This was my rock bottom. The very next day, Monday 30 September 2013, my father took me to get an implant against drugs and alcohol. That was my 1st day clean because my father helped me I knew that it wouldn’t be my last day clean. I returned to work 3 days after calling in sick because I looked like a skeleton, my boss knew what I was up to and called me into his office and told me to leave my job or attend Mighty Wings and then after some time of showing commitment I would get my job back. I was angry disappointed at myself also very embarrassed, so I took the 2nd option of not losing my job. Here at Mighty Wings I can say that my relationship has grown drastically with Jesus Christ he has helped me rebuild my relationship with all my family members who came very close to writing me off. It helped me forget all about my bad friends which I seriously struggled with. By working the program here at Mighty Wings, my family doesn’t have to worry about hiding all valuables in the house, my mother doesn’t have to worry about another pay day that I will disappear for days, I can now save money, I have been able to afford my own medical aid, I am able to manage my own financials with the aid of doing a monthly budget, I am paying my own bills, I have stopped old habits like using very bad language and coming up with new ones, I quit all smoking, my cravings for drugs and alcohol has decreased ever since I have been on this programme and I feel more comfortable talking to someone when I have a craving. I manage my anger in a more healthy way. If there is one thing that really touched my heart me here at Mighty Wings, it would be the GAP programme & anger management course. I found the GAP lesson really educational and regarding GAP I haven’t lost my temper or raised my voice at anyone or anything in almost a year now. God has allowed me to have a more genuine relationship with the others. I don’t approach people unless I know them, in other words I don’t just approach random people and have a fat conversation like I have grown up like kids with them. I am able to have better conversations and carry better conversations with people now. The selling of items to anybody on the side of the road is long gone, I now work hard and reward myself by buying myself really awesome and cool things. I don’t take risks driving like a maniac on the roads, I try and follow the rules on the road as I can. I don’t go out at night looking for the fun and party life because I have accepted that it will kill me. My walk with God has been closer than ever before I found that I am a lot more conscious of doing bad things and try do more good things. The greatest benefit that I have received from working the programme is that I thought I would come onto this programme to keep me job but what this programme has done for me personally it’s given me a second chance to be a better son, a better brother and most importantly a better servant to god. I never thought I would make it out of my rock bottom, I believed that this was who I was and I couldn’t change. I didn’t want to change – I thank mighty wings for this programme that has given me my life back. I am less angry at myself and at the world. To the new comer, I encourage you to put your head down and work hard on this programme, you will not enjoy the first 100 days but the discipline, skills and methods taught on this programme is invaluable.

 Nicholas Ives - Testimony       

I am Nicholas Ives and I am a recovering drug addict.

I was in active addiction for thirteen years and before coming into recovery my life had turned into total chaos.
I had become dependent on the drugs, I had bad friends, I was pawning goods, I was gambling, and my poor decision making were the main reasons why I lost my first business.
During the thirteen years of my addiction my habits controlled my finances causing me a lot of financial stress, missing my rental payments, having my vehicle repossessed numerous times, unable to buy my diabetic medication and the list goes on.
I lost friends to drug over doses and one of my closest friends was arrested in September 2014 for murder. I consider myself very fortunate to be here today.
One of the worst things is the pain I have caused the ones that love me the most – MY FAMILY!!!!
Drugs is a downward spiral of devastation and destruction and for me I was in total denial about my addictions, and I would tell myself that I had it all under control, although on a daily basis I could not get home on time, no matter how hard I tried. I would lie constantly, I suffered from paranoia, and I was going psychotic.
I even gave my wife a list of number plates from various vehicles that I thought were following me, I would walk around the garden late at night with my torch and batten as I was convinced I was being watched. My actions instilling fear into my wife and family.
Being Type 1 Diabetic, I was unable to keep control over my diabetes, the guilt and the self- destructing mentality, landing myself in hospital on three separate occasions.
I found the more lies I told and the deeper my secrets went, the further I pushed God and his principles out of my life.
I became very arrogant and self-centred, and it all became about me and my drugs.
My rock bottom was arriving home from a few days of bingeing, to find my wife and children not at home.
It was time to face reality, and come clean with my family.
I NEEDED HELP!!
Eventually admitting to my family about my addiction and my whereabouts, my uncle made a few phone calls, my father took me to the doctor for a medical, and from there my father and brother took me to Healing Wings.
At Healing Wings I completed a six month impatient program, and this is where my love for the Lord really grew. Healing Wings is a faith based program and with that you get a lot of time spending with the Lord.
I was baptised on the 10th March 2013 in Healing Wings and my relationship with the Lord is now better than ever.
Being a father of two amazing baby boy’s I was also very fortunate to complete the 12 week parental course at Healing Wings, giving me the insight as a parent into the communication and understanding of a child.  
In Healing Wings I managed to complete the first four steps of the twelve step program, and that setting the foundation and equipping me with the tools I needed to continue with my program at Mighty Wings.
Since being at Mighty Wings I have completed the ERP, GAP and the twelve step programs.
The ERP program was a great reintegration program coming from an impatient facility, giving me the guidelines and tools in achieving a smart recovery, in my every day to day life.
Completing my step four and five was another big step to the healing process.
The Wednesday sharing group at Mighty Wings has helped me remain accountable, also advising if the choices and decisions I am making are of the smartest ones.
I then had the opportunity to apply for the Leading Edge- being the Peer Executive Council and management of Mighty Wings. In order to qualify you needed a minimum of ten months clean time for mentorship to take place. Once completing my mentorship I was blessed into the Leading Edge and since then I have seen myself grow.
Facilitating and sowing the word of God is such an honour. As much as I see my life taking shape, so I see the incredible changes in the people around me.
I have moved on from my old life with God truly working in my life. He has restored my near ending marriage with my beautiful wife Roxanne, with our marriage and relationship only but flourishing.
He has restored my relationships with my two baby boy’s, Ashton and Mason, and to tell you the truth I am the luckiest husband and father to be alive.
The Lord has restored confidence and trust in my family, and by doing so, they have been able to move on with their own lives.
My close family attended the supporter program at Mighty Wings where they were able to gain insight into the life of addiction and with the help of the program they are now better equipped with moving forward in their own lives. My family has been very supportive and as much as it has been a learning process for me, it has been a learning process for them too.
My wife, children and I have been living on our own for the past year and a half, exceling at our careers, our children have started school and we are very thankful for the blessings bestowed upon our lives daily.
What I can say is – Recovery is not easy, it is a process, One day at a time!!
I am 865 days clean and without the Lord at the centre of my recovery, I am lost. But when I stay in obedience to God, giving my life to his care and modelling my behaviour after that of his son Jesus Christ, I can be assured to experience constant victory after victory.
 
 Matthew 7 verses 13 to 14: “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it”
 
Either we choose the pain of discipline, which comes from sacrifice and growth, or we choose the pain of regret, which comes from taking the easy road and missing opportunities…EACH PERSON IN LIFE CHOOSES!! 
 
                      AMEN

The one who holds tomorrow

No one knows what the future holds
We dream of possibilities
That seem too bold
Can a man alone
Really make a change
If he can you must know
How to break the chains
Make heaven and your home
One in the same
A place where God
Can come and explain
How to refrain from hate
And escape the pain
Replace it with love
And it’s a brand new day
Aint it plain to see
What he holds in his hands
The greatest plan
For you and me
When then day it comes
And its time to receive
I hope you understand
And in your heart you believe

By Christopher Metcalf

​Hi everyone,  I am a supporter who struggles with Co - dependency. 
 
Before recovery my life had reached a point where I hadn't ever thought it would. In my Matric year I started dating this boy who I thought was the next best thing since chocolate! Like most relationships the beginning was amazing, and within the 1st year I had experienced the "ultimate" love. Or so I thought. In our 2nd year things began to spiral. This perception of a perfect world began to disintegrate at a very slow pace. Our relationship became unstable,  on & off; he began to lie to me and cheated on me more times then I was even aware of. I stayed, in hopes that he would change. In 2010 I discovered that he was using drugs. In my ignorance to addiction,  and what it was doing to our lifes, I decided that I would take it on to try and fix him myself. 
 
From this time on, my Co - dependency became my boyfriends saving grace. Every time he found himself in trouble he knew he could rely on me to solve everything. I kept his addiction from his parents and my entire family. I protected him and his addiction at any cost. I often helped him with money, and it was often to my own detriment. I protected him from conflict with his family and friends, I even tried to protect him from his dealer whom he had made promises to. When my boyfriend lost jobs, id be job hunting for him, and he would be at home relaxing, pressure-free. I spent alot of time trying to protect and save him from consequences of his own mistakes. I thought that if I made life somewhat easy for him, that he would see that he didn't need drugs.
 
I grew up in a family who knew the Lord, and I had a good relationship with God. I even allowed that to perish when I turned all my focus to my boyfriend. I prayed very little and had lost my belief that God could make all things right. I didn't want to surrender to his will. 
 
By this time in my life, I had very little friends. The ones I did have, knew better than to rely on me, as my only priority was my boyfriend. I withdrew from socialising because I would always bump into people who would fill me in on his where abouts and doings. I wasn't a fan of bumping into the truth. I withdrew and isolated myself from the only people who had my best interest at heart: my family. My relationship with my mother was a disaster,  I was always irritable and ugly to her... and all she did was care. 
 
In 2013 he moved into my parents house,  as his family had had enough. I thought by having him under my wing, I could control his addiction, but it only spiraled more and more out of my control. I spent my entire time investigating his every move that a full nights sleep became foreign to me. I tried to leave the relationship alot in this time, but I was manipulated into thinking I was the only one who was good for him. The truth was that I was the only one who was enabling him. 
 
My rock bottom was in Aug 2013. My boyfriend and I got into a heated argument, that we both completely disrespected my parents and their home. The argument aroused because I bumped into the truth I tried so hard to ignore. 2 truths of which really hit home, 1; His addiction began in the 2nd year of our relationship.  The other was that he had pawned a cross and chain I bought him for his next fix. It made me furious as I was an appy when I got him that gift, I earned very little. I know how hard I worked to get him that. I realised that threatening to leave him wasn't going to make him stop, because he knew I was never going to leave. That he could do as he pleased, I would be there to clean up the mess. I realised that as much as he was bad for me, I was bad for him. 
 
I decided that I was done, that I couldn't live in this insanity any longer. So it was time for change. I had a colleague who had joined MW and I had seen his life change tremendously.  I joined MW end of September 2013. It wasn't long before I found Christ again and my life began to change rapidly. My boyfriend & I began to grow separately.  2 months into our programme, he relapsed, and I was able to enforce my consequence and leave the relationship after 5 years and 9 months. 
 
My relationship with Christ was restored and was the main foundation of my strength to deal with the break-up and the after affects of addiction. What helped me most was the scripture of Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This verse is in true relation of how my life has changed since I found recovery.
 
Working the programme was my best move yet. Not only do I have a relationship with God again, I am more aware of addiction, my character defects as well as my co- dependency. 
 
The step that touched my heart was Turn. The minute I began to practice it,  my life changed for the very best. To turn my life to the Lord, with all my worries and fears, I found peace, and faith like never before. 
 
God has changed my life and still continues to do so. My mom and I are closer than ever before. I now partake in family events full heartedly and shameless. My sisters and I are more than just sisters,  we are friends. My new friendships are based on common morals, values and believes. I cant thank God enough for everyone in my life. 
 
My withdrawal and isolation coping skills are something of the past. I now deal with problems at hand. My co- dependency has improved tremendously, Thanks to MW. Amoung many, one of my bottom lines is that I will not take ownership of anyone's life / problems but my own. 
 
My walk with God has gone from broken to a constant relationship everyday. I know that he will never leave my side and I am constantly doing my best to surrender to his will in all aspects of my life. 
 
Working my programme at MW has changed my life 360°. I have grown so much as a person. I have learned so much about God, people, love, healthy relationships and much more. I now facilitate groups on both Thursdays and Sundays, and learn & grow each and every time. 
 
What I have to say to a new comer or anyone who wants to change their life's for the best: you don't have to live with chaos any more than what you want to. It isn't easy but anything that's worth it will cost you some fight but I can tell you,  its worth every second of fight. 
 
 
Thank You!

Testimony – Dean Francis
​
My name is Dean Francis. I was stuck in addiction for around 12 years, in that was darkness, selfishness, trying to break free from my own failed attempts at recovery, bad decisions, dishonouring my loved ones, a broken marriage and separation, living on own and turning my back on the Lord, of which at that stage my relationship with the Lord was purely going to church every now and then maybe, to try feel less guilty.
I remember my life as being tough. Although I had a good up bringing with good morals and I knew the Lord, in between I remember strife in my family. The first time I felt the reality of loneliness was when I was around 13 years old. I had battled to accept my step mother and did not see my own mother very often. When I did see her there were no boundaries and I remember having my first taste of alcohol then. When I reached the age of 16 I was smoking weed every day and had already written of my step father car. I recall the carelessness I felt. Lust also had consumed around that age and I was sleeping around and hanging with the wrong crowd. By 18 years old my actions had almost bankrupted my Father because I stole something from my Step Father house and in turn he took my father too court and it was an extremely challenging time of my life as the consequences to my actions were as real as ever then. When I turned 20 my first born son came into this world. That relationship his mom lasted only 2 years on our own and in that time I tried cocaine. As I went into my mid 20’s it was a cycle of up’s and down’s. By the time I was 27 I has gotten married and still heavily into addiction. I had fathered two more children and thought everything was alright, even through my rage filled evenings and weekends going missing. My wife had finally had enough and filed for divorce. The reality of loneliness had hit me once again. I moved into my own townhouse and cut all contact with all my children. In the 10 months of 2011 I had sold everything for drugs and to support my lifestyle of addiction. I abandoned what was left at the townhouse and moved in with the Father of the girl I had living with me.
On the 25th November 2011 I was arrested. At that point I was really at my wits end; I had reached my rock bottom. God was with me all the way that day, to this day it astounds me how it played out with regards to how I was arrested and the timing involved. If it was 5mins later I would have missed the area I was arrested in, and for some reason I remained very calm. So after a couple on mins I kind of realised why I had been arrested and at the courts a section 33 committal was served on me for 3 yrs., with the help a own father of coarse whom I hadn’t even seen in a couple of months and who was working behind the scenes to save my life.
That’s where I met Pastor Kennith of Mighty Wings Benoni, he explained what where and how, although still kind of confused about this whole situation, I found myself having no choice but to start listening for a change. I was committed to a Rehabilitation centre called Healing Wings South Africa in Nelspruit where I spent 13 months ripping out my past emotions, facing my demons, opening old wounds, breaking denial, realising my life was a mess and establishing a relationship with God, my foundation was laid there, I believe that. 6 months into my stay there, my then ex-wife contacted me, obviously very scared, I gave her reason not to trust me. But she contacted me.
I was blessed out of HWSA in December 2012 and began my reintegration program at MWLC, where only then it became apparent to me all the work God was doing in my family’s life when I was in rehab. My wife had joined the program as a supporter; My Dad, Step mother and was there my Brother was there as well; it was as if God spread his grace over my entire family. But my journey was only beginning. Through months and months counselling my wife and I were able to start again. I was able grow within mighty wings, I started a new career. We bought a house. And for that the glory belongs all to my saviour Jesus Christ. God fast tracked a lot for me and I feel blessed. I have two beautiful children with a third born on the 11th November 2014.
 
Mighty Wing has given me tools to live my life, to be a leader amongst people and a follower of Christ, I still have mountains to conquer and character defects to work on, but through and Lord Practising my faith, sharing my transgressions and being honest these mountains are mere mole hills. I am now a leader @ MWLC and I honoured to be a part of the fruits of recovery, and a part of something much greater than I can imagine, I love my God with all my heart.
 
Scripture: 1 Tim 6:12
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to witch you were called when you made your confession in the presence of many witnesses.

My Testimony

On my path of addiction I lost my sense of self. 8 years in addiction and my life was falling apart. I became unknown to my family and my friends became the best thing that ever happened to me as they were just as lost as I was at that time. Drug dealers became my healers. God became distant, the innocent me fade away into the dark world of partying and drugs. Stealing, lying, manipulating that was what I did best. I went on with this path of self –destruction not knowing that God had other plans for my life.

My Name is Crisanda and I am a recovery addict who struggles with drug addiction.

I was an addict for 8 years. Before recovery my life was a mess, I started using drugs at the age of 16. It all started with marijuana, ecstasy, CAT, coke, rocks and any over the counter medicine. Soon I was drawn into the world of drugs so bad that I stole my first diamond and sold it on the black market at the age of 17, the only thing I could think about is where I would get my next fix from. Some days I had to skip school as I was too wasted to try to go. I turned to a world of drugs and partying but nothing seemed to be able to fill the emptiness inside of me. I tried to take my own life a few times as I did not know how to live a life without drugs. I often took too much and did not know what reality was anymore or where the world of delusion and fantasy started. I often tried to get away from using drugs but the people I mixed with and the fear of facing reality pulled me back into the world of drugs. I saw no way out for myself.

My dad is a pastor so was my grandfather and you probably think that I should have known that what I was doing was wrong. Yes I did but after a while I stopped caring what was right and what was wrong. In my matric year I met the love of my life also a drug user. It was not long after I moved in with him and no one had a say in my life anymore. I had drug dealers in our car on a daily bases. We took the dealers to where they wanted to go and they paid us in drugs. My life was a wreck, my house was filthy and our doors had holes in from all the fights we had. We rolled our car driving at a 160 02:00 O’clock on a Sunday morning after my mother in law warned us not to drive as we were wasted but we had to get our next fix. The Metro that came to the scene could not believe that we were alive. My Fiancé’s son lived with his grandmother as we were incapable of looking after him. There was times that I phoned our parents and asked them for money as there was really no food for days in our house. The one day they did not give us money but brought us groceries, I freaked out because not even food was important anymore, all I wanted was money for drugs. Before I came to Mighty Wings I weigh 39Kg. At a stage it became so bad that my boyfriend had to pin me down on the bed and stuff my mouth with chocolate as I would go days without eating and passed out quite allot. At times I will not eat or sleep for 7 days and go to work every day. I think why I kept my job was because my mother in law was my manager and she knew we were on the point of losing everything. We had an armed robbery and the robbers took all our stash and shot my boyfriend, luckily God gave him a second change. In 2012 I lost my baby because of using drugs but that didn’t stop me from using drugs again. At the end we lost everything.

I blamed God for everything in my life. My mom past away when I was at the age of 4 while we were sitting in church, I blamed God for taking her away from me. I had 3 step moms and I blamed God. I blamed God for the position I was sitting in. In my head it was His fault I was using drugs. I went to Church but most of the time I was on a trip. I can’t say that I had a relationship with God, it was more of a relationship blaming God for everything that went wrong in my life. But one morning coming down from a high, I had to go to work…… Awake for a few days….. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day, I didn’t want to feel that way and was tired of using but I didn’t know how I would ever stop. So I said to God that morning, If You do not turn my life around I will take my own life and this time I will make it work. I cannot go on like this. Once again I thought God was not listening. I took time to plan how I am going to kill myself. The plan for my death was in place I just had to set the date. 3 weeks after on the 4th of October 2013 I hit rock bottom and got arrested. In jail I asked why and there and then God reminded me of my prayer 3 weeks back. I thought my life was over. R10000 later I got out.
My court date was set for that Monday, we knew about Mighty Wings as I was here before for a month after I convinced my parents that I was recovered. Pastor Kenneth arranged for us to see the prosecutor before we went into court and we got a court diversion to Mighty Wings without appearing in court.
In the book of Jonah, chapter1, verse 17 the story begins by saying “The Lord had prepared a great fish to swallowup Jonah” For me jail was my fish God prepared for me. The verse goes on and God demanded Jonah to go to Nineveh but Jonah was stubborn and went to Tarshish. The same with me, God called on my name and gave me a change to change but I turned my back on God and went my own way, so God sent me a fish I call jail.

God commanded the fish and it vomited out Jonah onto dry land. This time Jonah obeyed God. With me God demanded my fish to spit me out at Mighty Wings (Dry Land) a place I can find healing and were I can be useful to His will.
My growing relationship with God influenced my recovery in so many ways. At first I did not want to be at Mighty Wings and struggled believing that this was the plan that God had for my life but once I gave myself over to God that was the first step and I realized everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before.
My thinking towards myself and life became different and began to see the light, the plan God had for my life. God helped me to take one step at a time dealing with all my emotions and hang-ups I had from my childhood that made me feel worthless and unwanted is this world. I think without accepting God as a part of my recovery for me recovery would not have been possible. The program at Mighty Wings supplied me with so many tools to help with recovery. When I started working the program and using the tools they supplied, I managed my recovery much better and realized that relapsing is not an option.
​
There was one step that touched my hart at Mighty Wings and that was step 4. Working my step 4 was a life changing experience. To forgive and let go! To set myself free from all the negativity that was spread over my life. For me doing my step 4 was setting myself free from the past and starting a new beginning with no more hatred or resentment.

Recovery brought me back to God and now my walk with God is a walk of life. A verse that I held on to trough out my recovery is: Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

My family relationships are renewed and we grew closer and still do every day. My fiancé’s son is now living with us and we are building a great family. My whole life is renewed in every area I can see a change. My self-confidence, the way I see life and what I am striving for now in life is different from what it was in addiction.
God blessed me in this year and I am grateful.

Around three years ago I remember listening to the testimony of a recovering addict and wondering how or if I would ever be able to tell my story.  I mean really, I couldn't even come clean about my own addiction how would I ever be able to stand in front of people and deliver something so powerful and moving. So that was the fear I remember feeling.
​
Something dawned on me in time to come after that day. The reason I couldn't picture myself standing up there was the very reason I resisted help in the past. I hadn't experienced real change, fear of the unknown and all the nonsense that was clouding my mind, so how on earth could I talk about something if I hadn't experienced it.... Ahh, now something started to hit home for me, the power of testimony lies in the truth that it holds. It seems simple now but believe me it was a mountain for me then. What's become apparent now, is what Carol said in one of our Leading Edge meetings recently and that's "honour the Lord for your recovery and be grateful for your achievements".

Now what I understand is that I need to recognise my achievements rather than taking credit for them and move on. A testimony for me is about the change or transition which has taken place and that which was given back to me through the grace of our Lord. So is it really my testimony or is it the testimony of the Lords work in my life. I'm talking about my family, beautiful children and new outlook on life, like minded people around me, the list goes on in that regard. I truly believe that a Testimony is an on going story depicting the chapters of my life and pleasing God through the process of sharing it. Dean Francis Leading Edge Member


John 5:31-32
“If I testify about myself, my testimony is not true.
There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that his testimony about me is true.

Testimonies - How To Write My Testimony

"It is a proof of your faith. Many people will praise God because you obey the Good
News of Christ--the gospel you say you believe—and because you freely share with
them and with all others." (2 Cor 9:13 NCV)


Testimony Guidelines:

1.  Before you start writing, pray. Ask God for help and the words.
2.  Your testimony needs to be about 5 - 10 minutes long written out. (9-12
      pages, 12 font, and double-spaced)
3.  Be sure to include 1 or 2 of your favourite scriptures.
4.  Be honest.
5.  Remember that you are not cured
6.  Don't use religious cliché's.
7.  Keep it short and to the point.

                           There are 4 major parts to your story. Relax and get started!

1st The Old Me
a. Start out with, "I'm a Recovering Addict / Supporter who struggles with
    ____________."
b. What was the insanity of my life before recovery?
c. What are some of the circumstances that others could relate to?
d. What was my relationship to God like?
e. What was my attitude to others like?
f. What was my rock bottom?
 
 
2nd My Experiences and Changes in Working through Mighty Wings
a. How I got into recovery.
b. How has my growing relationship with Jesus Christ influenced my recovery?
c. How did working the program help me? (be specific)
d. Did a single step touch my heart in a special way?
 
3rd The New Me
a. What changes God has made in my relationships with others?
b. What areas of my old life are gone and how have they changed?
c. How has my walk with God changed?
d. What are some of the great benefits that I have received from working the
     program?
 
4th Outreach
a. What encouragement can I give a newcomer?

Things I am thankful for
I am so thankful for Mighty Wings, for the commitment and dedication of people like Pastor Kennith, Carol, Rodney, all the leaders and facilitators who sacrifice and give of themselves every day to make a difference in people’s lives.
You have changed my life forever.
I am thankful for the greatest gift a mother could ever ask for – getting my precious child back.
 
I am thankful for having my greatest fear turned into hope and compassion and understanding.

I am thankful for meeting the most awesome people here, people who have encouraged me, supported me and inspired me.

I am thankful for the privilege of being able to witness peoples’ lives being restored and changed week after week as God moves in this place.

I am thankful that I have been able to spend the last 8 months with my Sean rebuilding our relationship and that for the first time in years I know that both my children are safe and well and happy.

But above all, I am thankful for my God, the God of restoration, the God of healing, the God of second chances and new beginnings and that I now know, more than ever, that God truly does work ALL things out for the good of those who love Him!

Karen Mc Leod

​My name is Heinrich Van Jaarsveld and I am a recovering drug addict.

My drug use started out as experimental. I used to only use when the opportunity presented itself. It later went into using when I felt like and before I knew it I was in full on addiction. My using went from being only on weekends to using every day. I was what they called a binge user. I would stop for periods of 1 to 2 months and it would only need one Friday evening jol to get me started for long periods of time. This was also where I convinced myself i was controlling the drugs, and could stop whenever I wanted. This up and down roller coaster ride would go on for years. I always knew that it would end badly bad it never phased me much. I was a Christian but my actions did not reflect this. I did however know God very well when I was in trouble, and very quick to ask him for help. I had no regard for anybody but myself and my needs, and would manipulate, lie and do whatever it took to get what I want.
 
It was last year February when the very fast down ward spiral started.
This was the beginning of the end. I knew my addiction was getting out of hand but I would not see how bad it got until much later. One morning I woke up and I decided it’s time for a change.  I and friend of mine decided we would quit our jobs, take whatever money we have and go to Durban. This sounded like the best idea I have ever had and with +/-R5600.00 we left JHB. Upon arrival in Durban we managed to get hold of a dealer and we started taking drugs. E’s was all we could find. We checked into a very dodgy hotel in Durban CBD, this area is known amongst locals as the under belly of Durban. To us it made no difference, we were living it up. One morning I woke up to find my “friend” gone. She left me a message at the reception desk to say she had met up with an old boyfriend and that she has gone to Umlanga with him. And that she hopes I would understand. Now with less than a R1000.00 left I had to make choices. I started looking for a job, but did hoping not to find anything. Going back to Johannesburg was at that stage not an option. Where would I go and what would I do. The Idea of living it up in Durban was not yet of the table. It was now week 2 in Durban. The one afternoon I got back to the hotel from the beach, to find my room broken into. It being Durban I never use to walk around with all my money or my ID. Needless to say this was all stolen. I had one night left to stay in the hotel. I had to do what it takes to survive.  In the meantime I contacted the dealer who supplied us with our drugs. I also told him about the predicament I found myself in. He recommended I go and offer “services in Morning side where all night workers went. He supplied me with free items, and being out of it, I agreed.

Upon arrival in Morning side, and high as a kite I was now ready to do this, so I thought. As the first car pulled up, I got cold feet, and backed away. It was only when the second car arrived that I decided I would give it a bash. It was a white middle aged gentleman, and actually a very nice guy. The drive to his house took forever. I also can’t remember what we spoke about.  I was no starting to come down from what I was using, and reality started sinking in. Now, not sure how to tell this guy. I became very nervous and un easy. He noticed this. He asked me what the deal was. . I explained what situation I was in. He was very understanding. He still gave me R1000 and took me back to Durban where I was staying. Today I’m very glad I didn’t go thru with it. I think it very degrading. This is the irony. Instead of returning to JHB I took the money, paid for 1 night at the hotel and went to the Casino with the rest. Not long after my money was finished. I realized now that I had to make a plan to get back to Johannesburg. But sadly this was not yet the end for me.
 
Jasper and Francois are my uncles, from my dad’s side. I have no relationship with my parents and thus they are the only family I have together with Jasper’s sister Karen and her Family.
I made a plan to call Jasper, and briefly explained to him what was happening. I left out a few details, the important once, but never the less I was on the next bus back to Johannesburg. Jasper and François agreed that I could stay with them until I’m back on my feet. I was to start looking for a job. His sister, Karin agreed to borrow me the scooter I’m driving with now but made it very clear it was to be used for the purpose of finding work only and getting to work once I found a job.
One evening I decided to go out with friends. Later that evening when they dropped me off, I decided to go and use drugs and gamble. I took the bike and went to Monte Casino. I spent all my money but was not ready to go home. This was 2 days later. I met a guy there who was also out on a binge use. He told me there was a guy he knows who worked at the garage around the corner form Monte Casino, who would be able to borrow me money on my scooter. We went there and before I know it there I left the scooter there and had R700, which at that point seemed like a lot. We went back to the casino and not long after, that money was now finished and also the drug. Now knowing I’m in trouble I started to panic. Badly. I knew that at some point I would have to call jasper to tell him what happened. I didn’t have the guts. I spent that night at the garage, just sitting there, hoping for some sort of miracle. But God had other plans. This was now day 4. That Saturday Morning I decided to call Jasper. Again I lied about what truly happened.

Later that afternoon he arrived at the garage. I was very surprised and shocked about what happened there that day, but that was my days using finished there and then. They got out the car, and I was still trying to explain and when I say explain I really mean lie about what happened, when a detective introduced himself to me, and arrested me for Vehicle theft and being I possession of stolen property, this being the scooter and helmet. I was taken to Fairland police station. On the way there I kept telling myself this was not real, and that they are just doing this to scare me and teach me lesson.  This was not the case. I spent the rest of the weekend there in the holding cells.  It was Horrible. It was cold and dirty, it was in July, peak of the winter. When I was supposed to go to court on Monday, they informed me that I was not processed over the weekend and therefore had to spend another night in the cells. But that I believe happened for a reason.
Jasper came to see me that Monday afternoon, and for the first time I was truly honest with him, I told him I was an addict and that I needed help. He agreed to withdraw the charges on condition that I get help. We went to court that Tuesday morning. The state prosecutor decided that I was not going to get off so easily. Hence my court diversion to mighty wings.

For a while things were going really well, I attended Mighty wings and did what was expected of me, but I started getting complacent after a few months, thinking I was cured and that I didn’t need to follow the rules any more. How wrong could I be? In November of 2013 I relapsed. It was not a big relapse or anything; I didn’t disappear like I normally do. I just had one line. Never the less a relapse is a relapse.
Now jasper and François supports me till today still. I Think I have the best supporters in the world. One needs to keep in mind; they have no obligation what so ever towards me, yet they took me in and treated me like a son. This is the first time in years I felt like I was somebody's child again. So naturally they felt very hurt and disappointed. They felt like all that work we put in since July when I joined Mighty Wings was for nothing. Carol assessed the situation and decided it was not serious enough to send me away and decided to give me a second chance. So my recovery had started from scratch. I did not take long to start doing things the wrong way again, I stopped taking anti buse and they trusted me thinking that I was taking it, signing off the form without proof.
 
I was heading in the direction of another relapse but did not see it coming. The thing is I fell in love. I now more than ever understand why Mighty wings has the corner stone rule in place preventing us from getting romantically involved with anybody for minimum of a year. After it all happened and stated putting things into perspective I realized that it was just a silly Crush. But reality sunk in a little too late.
While I went thru this little silly phase, I did talk about this to my support and to Tracey the social worker.  But I coloured the picture with my own Truths making it seem like I’m fine and for a while I was.  It was only in February this year that it caught up to me. So in typical Heinrich style I sneaked out The Saturday morning of the 25th of. I went to party the previous night, and had been drinking. I came home from the party and took my scooter, and yes the very same scooter that got me arrested in. It was about 6am in the morning.
I went to dealers place directly. And within seconds, another 3 months of recovery was down the drain. It did not feel as good as it should. I had just started my new job.
Clare, my then and now current boss knew I was in recovery. She decided in 2013 she wanted to give me a chance to work for her as she saw something in me that I did not at that stage. I wasn’t even working there a full month as we only opened on the 12th.
My salary was not yet paid into my account, but I needed money as the drugs were nearly finished. I was already trusted to have an office key and knew that here was more that R2000 in the petty cash in the office. Needless to say I went there and took R1200 out of the petty cash tin. All I did that day was driving around and taking drugs. I did send Jasper a message that morning telling him I just needed the day out on my own to clear my mind. Ironically I managed to lose my cell phone that day, yes really lost it, that’s why I say ironically.
Eventually the next day, this was now Sunday the drugs, the money were finished. The reality started dawning that I now need to go home and face the music. I already knew what my fate looked like for the next 3 months. The worst part for me was the disappointment and the hurt in François & Jaspers eyes when I told them.
Still after all of this they still supported me. I was sent away to Enoch's Walk Bible centre for 3 months. When I arrived there I pulled a face, as this place was not with my standard, but I was very soon humbled and started to use my time there wisely. Enoch’s walk brought me back to God but also back to family. I learned how to appreciate my family but also my blessings on the outside. Luxuries are few at Enoch’s walk, but God is ever present. The time there really changed me for the better, but I was very grateful after returning home after 3 months. Hot showers, Flushing Toilets and no snakes or spiders was suddenly something of great value to me.

 As I stand here today I am 9 months clean again. My relationship with my family is better than it’s ever been. They trust me again, and support me more than ever. God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life.

I am really in recovery now, and embrace the life of a Christian and recovering addict. Working the steps really helps, especially step 1 and 4. Step 1 was breaking denial. Step 4 is a personal moral inventory. If you do step 4 honestly and really dig deep, it really puts things in perspective and opens your eyes. It also forces you to deal with things that have been holding you down. It also teaches forgiveness. Recovery and it principles really has great value. It’s the glue that puts broken families back together, that puts us back on the road to God.

For the first time I consider what my actions will have on my family and people I deal with day to day. I have my family’s trust back. In The last Year I’ve gained so much. I have been re-employed by the same company where is messed up in January. I value my work and do everything I do, to the best of my potential, because for many years, I was just working to support my addiction.  I earn good salary and actually have things to show for it. In the past, money in one hand equalled the amount of drugs in the other. I’m also in the process of buying my first car.

I walk the walk of a Christian and have my quiet times with God daily. For the first time ever I don’t just ask for help, but I say thank you. Thank you for helping me to start the transformation and for helping me to stay on the road to recovery and for keeping me safe all these years.  I would also like to thank Mighty wings, Carol, Rodney and Kenneth and all the leaders  for this wonderful ministry that’s still today busy changing me in so many wonderful ways, but mostly I would like to say Thank Jasper, Francois Karin and Herman and the rest the amazing people in my life for opening their hearts to me believing in me and for not giving up.

I leave you with this. I encourage everybody to work this program to the fullest. To grab the opportunity with both hands but most importantly not to forget what got us here to begin with. I remember Carol saying this a few times, that anybody who follows the program 100 % will not relapse. Hand everything over to God; believe that it is in your nature to change. Stay Humble and remember that recovery needs to be built into the rest of your life.
 
Thank You.

​Hi, my name is Christopher Metcalf and I am a recovering addict who struggled with drug addiction. I started off experimenting with alcohol and marijuana from about age 15. My addiction was in full force by age 16, smoking every day before and after school, amidst the drunken escapades of flaunting the aggressive expression of my broken self. This new lifestyle seemed to fit quite perfectly into my agenda though, gaining attention from all the people I had on a pedestal. As a child from a broken home, living between families every 2 to 3 years, having a very low sense of self, I would aim to redefine myself each time I moved to a new school. The aim, to be popular, get the girl and feel like I have some level of importance. After my father got remarried, and me feeling like I was no longer part of any family, feeling like I don’t actually belong anywhere, it was time to up the stakes! I became intensely defiant and rebellious and in this mind-set, when I came across the drugs, it felt wrong at first, but the promise it held of fun, attention and status was exactly what I wanted. I changed my identity a few times in those years, unconfirmed to anything, except defiance.

My behavior during this time just went from worse to impressively shocking! I was arrested a few times, got expelled and ran away. I wasn’t very liked by my teachers as at school I was told I was like the weeds that grow between the bricks, the kind of stuff you just don’t want, but can’t get rid of.
Throughout this time there was massively intense fights at home. After Matric, all I wanted was out. So I opted for a working holiday in the UK and this is where thing got really bad. I met a friend who would be my brother in arms in big way! It was here that I started escalating in my addiction, after years of devotion to only ever smoke weed for the rest of my life! It started off with pills and after making friends with all the dealers in the town and joining the team, things moved to the powders very quickly! We thought we were untouchable, calling ourselves the SA mafia operating deep in the underground world! 

The police constantly watching us and looking for reasons to arrest! I felt so powerful at that time, every narrow escape and hap hazard connection to a party or new operation felt like providence. The self-proclaimed chosen ones, ministering to people about God, faith and delving into the cosmic discussions of purpose and liberation, as if we were leaders of a new world, while being completely high! I was intensely delusional at the time, there actually was a constant compelling conviction in the bottom of my soul throughout this time, but acknowledging it represented fear so crippling it would corrode the very fabric of my soul, which it slowly did, no matter how hard I tried to drown it out, with the convincing self-argument that I was a pivotal soldier in Gods army, against the darkness of this world.

All I wanted was to be rid of the definitions of myself that I accrued over my life, of failure, nothing, obsolete, not worth it, broken and a burden not bargained for. My defiance that I showed towards the people I loved, now seemed to be my only means of defense against myself too. Eventually things led to fraudulent activities and harder drugs. Living amongst the ex-cons, and criminals of the town, addicted to smoking heroin and crack and all the weed I could find. I was lost, arrogant, desperate, paranoid and constantly afraid. By the grace of God, I didn’t spend too many nights on the street and would get a meal each day by some eventful means. I got fired from a few jobs during that time and managed to rack up a pretty terrible reputation in the town, losing friends and hated by many more, yet still I forced myself to believe I was on the top of the world.

The satisfaction I felt in the belief that I was free, slowly faded away as I began to lose myself, to depression, to paranoia and the dilutions of feeling like hell and all its forces were out to get me. By God’s grace alone I made it out of England and came back home to SA. Things changed a bit for the next two years, being petrified of what I became, I vowed that I would never be a drug addict of that proportion again. My relationship with God started growing over the next couple years and I even did my confirmation at Church, but still didn’t really make any connection or relationship. Although I did manage to stay off the hard tack for about a year and half, I never did stop smoking weed and drinking. Inevitably I did get out of hand a few times, ending up hurting and disappointing my girlfriend at the time a lot! But somehow I always found a way to blame her for the way I behaved. I thought she was the one that needed me, she was blessed to have me. Well after a while she didn’t believe my nonsense anymore and she left. This fantasy I had of me and her was now completely shattered, and along with came down every illusion of happiness I had built up in that time.

I spent many months on end being very depressed and permanently stoned after that. Till one day along came a new friend, courage’s, charismatic and seemingly unafraid to be himself. Through this friendship I slowly but surely got back into the powders again, which escalated very quickly. There are so many horror stories I could tell you of that time but I’ll skip towards the end or rather should I say the bottom. I had gotten into a new relationship, with the same old fantasies, using a lot more drugs, together with her and a lot more crazy! One of the more shameful nights of my life was when I came home to my pregnant girlfriend, completely smashed and got into a very heated argument! Some more haunting memories were made that night, seeing my girlfriend holding a knife to her pregnant belly threatening to kill herself and our child, then me trying to escape the madness by jumping off the second story balcony. When she wouldn’t let me I slammed her into the couch, dislocating her arm. No matter how out of it I was that night, I couldn’t escape the tremendous feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, being horrified once again, with who I had become.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the drugs. It was three months after my child was born that my mother would no longer stand idly by, watching me turn to death before her, risking now also the life of her grandchild. 

It was some idle Friday where I had planned a sick day to use again, with the great excuse of having an abyss on my neck. My mother opted to take me to the doctor. But this was a new doctor she said, oh and by the way she just wants to stop at the church quickly because there are some people there who she would like me to just talk to, maybe they could help. So I decided to humor her, id duped many more before and figured this would be the same, get it done then carrying on with my own plans. So while meeting with these people, telling them just enough to not sound like a blatant liar, like sure I use but its more recreational and I’m fine really. They failed to mention this before, but there was actually a police officer sitting there with us while I was exposing, what seemed now to be a little tooo much. They tested me after that and I got the high score, a five panel test and I was positive across the board.

It was here everything changed, the 17th of September 2010. I was arrested and sent to the holding cells in Boksburg for the weekend with a court case on Monday. That weekend was once of the more frightening times of my life, a place I never, ever want to go back to, and man I was angry with my mom about this. Anyhow it was all planned, during court I was diverted to an inpatient rehab for the term of 1 year, and that was that, say goodbye to family and baby, straight off to the hab. I arrived here that Monday in a hopeless state, looking proper haggard, and apparently smelling so bad that Jodi told me he had to chew the air before taking it in. As much as I hated the fact that I was tricked into this place, forced to be away from my child and family, I couldn’t help shake the feeling I had, that perhaps this was the answer to my prayers, the same prayer I had said many, many times, rolling around in anxious agony, frustrated and hating myself. God take me away, get me out of my life, this web of lies and overwhelming responsibilities, all I needed was like a year, a year out in the mountains, away from it all, from everyone, from everything, I just need some time to get my act together and built myself to be convincingly confidant and free again!
God had answered my prayers, but not on my terms, on his. Within the confines of healing wings, I slowly and painfully unravelled. There wasn’t much left of me but desperation, insecurities, fear and brokenness. I recall the first few nights, not knowing anybody, crying for my family and from what I had done. My nose constantly dripping every morning during quite time in the sun for 6 months. Writing my journal with “hidden” messages of how I think I should be helped in my recovery, like they should be focusing on that, also detailing my days in such a way so that the Councillors would see that I wasn’t actually such a bad guy, I actually know what’s potting here and I’m on their side, not realizing that I was really trying to convince myself. The Sheema(Millie PAP), the millions of tiny weeds in the lands that just kept sprouting, day after day. Feeling like a raw and exposed humpty dumpty on the floor, after a life story. That moment during a step 4 when I realised that according to my own standards which demanded resentment, hatred and anger towards people, now seeing what I had done, I was far worse than any of those Id judged. kneeling broken on the floor in absolute tears after a re-enactment session that took me straight back to my deepest hurt, one id been running from all my life!

Experiencing the sensation of overlooking the vally from humble hill, the feeling of being so alive while hiking through the woods and mountains around us. That awkward sensation of freedom when being around those who actually knew, me, the rawest and ugliest parts of me. Being loved for who I am, not for the displays of what I could do. That life changing moment when I no longer felt the need to depend on the fleeting candle lit image I had of myself, but being able to be brave enough, to step outside, beneath light of the SON, the king of kings and lord of lords. The incredibly liberating paradox of being completely powerless but having peace and an exhilarated hope when, calling on every member to support me in prayer for the life of my daughter and family.
It was here that I learned to stand not on my lies, but rather on the truth, that I was not given a spirit of fear and timidity, but one of power love and a sound mind! That I could fight from the standpoint of victory, knowing that the battle had already been won. That no power in all creation could separate me from the love of God, for greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world. That in my weakness his strength is made perfect. To be strong in the Lord and the power of his might, to walk in Grace with blessings and faith. That Jesus loved me, before I knew him and has given his life to save ME, to set me free, to give me hope and future!

The garden of my recovery was sown in the fields of hardship, watered with the tears that come from facing fears, and grown in the light of love through the season of grace. I can tell you this, I could not have done this alone. Every person, every event, whether I saw it to be good or bad, served a purpose in some way to help me grow. It was a long and weary walk that demanded constant commitment in a walk of endurance. Just when I thought I had it figured out, the next thing came along, with each new level came another devil. After about 9 months of these ups and downs I realized that, how I felt, did not hold much authenticity towards being legitimate evidence, that I can sustain this recovery for life. Around 11 months, the end of my term nearing, now knowing enough to realize that I don’t actually know that much, I wasn’t sure if I’d gotten far enough. I didn’t want to be a casualty of my own insanity again, I needed to make a choice but couldn’t trust myself. After much prayer and counsel, it was these words that cleared out my clouded vision. Don’t leave until I got what I came here for. It was strange hearing this as at first I thought I was here to deal with my addiction, but addiction was never the problem, it was the symptom, I was the problem and although I didn’t know definitively what it was that I came here for, that uneasy emptiness which had been my companion for so long, although much lighter, the fact that it was still there meant I hadn’t found it yet. It was tough, given that I was missing so many of my daughter’s firsts, crawling, sitting, her first steps, her first tooth and words, also everyday was a risk that my ex would go claim for full custody in my absence. 

The truth still remained if these concerns really meant something I needed to make my recovery have a chance at lasting for life, so even though my family wasn’t very keen on it, I stayed on for some extra time. It was after a total of 14 months that my day came, my day to step into the world and clean the mess I made, to be a man and take on the responsibility of being a father. Feeling like Id accomplished so much, that I had, by enduring my time here at least made some level of amends with my family. Like they would be proud and supportive and encouraging and have my back all the way! Well they were happy, they were supportive but while I was on my “holiday” as they saw it, they had to clean up so much of the mess I made, they had to deal with the consequences of so many of my bad choices. They had to take care of my child and sacrifice so many of their plans to financially support me being here. To say it was tough was an understatement! I may have changed in so many drastic ways during my time, but the life I left behind, was still pretty much the same, in some areas festering from my absence. It was a harsh realization to recognize that it was now, that recovery actually began. It’s one thing to make a change, it’s a whole other thing to BE that change in the face of adversity and resistance with temptations on display, everywhere! It was through the support of Mighty Wings and hope in the Lord that I have been able to maintain and keep growing in my recovery. When the overwhelming feelings came shortly after leaving healing wings, that feeling that had me wondering how am I going to do this, there is no way I can put this back together, I’m doomed there is no hope. It was my relationship with the Lord that kept me going, and being in the company of so many like-minded at Mighty wings that kept me from straying.

There are so many incredible things that have happened as a result of my recovery but ill share with you just a few, the rest is for you to discover, should you affords yourself the opportunity to do so.
That fear I had of losing my daughter, she has been living with me for the past three years, I’m raising her as a single father with the support of a very loving family. It is the most incredible blessing that has me on my toes every day. The love I have for her is unlike I have ever experienced before

My sisters who once looked up to me in a big way, who during my addiction became a distant relationship as I couldn’t face them in my shame, now once again loved me have become a massive part of life in a good way. I once thought the way I was, was normal, until I got the chance to see them grow up through sober eyes! They are such incredible girls who bless me probably more than I them!

My moms and I after all the drama, anger and disappointment I had caused, she is now super proud of me, and are now closer than ever. She is a massive support for me and cares for me in way that I can’t even understand at times but our relationship is a blessing only God can provide!
My father who I hurt more than any other, who had practically disowned me, he loves me again tremendously. I have my father back, he gave me an opportunity to work in his company as a project manager and is extremely proud of me. So much in fact that in this week I have been given an offer to work in Australia with a huge increase. Quite a contrast from being two steps from being fired from my step Dads company when I was in addiction.
I’ve experienced dreams come true by performing my own songs both here and at Mighty Wings.
From being broken and insecure and a shadow of a man. I’m now a member of the leading edge at might wings, something far beyond what I could have comprehended. I remember back in the day, when I was asked what I wanted to do, to give back. My aspiration was to just operate the mixing desk during praise and worship, now running groups and leading the members, with sometimes fierce encouragement.

From being completely lost, broken and confused. I have come to know and have courage enough to be more myself that I had ever imagined. From being completely confused about God having the idea of him conformed to what fitted into my wants, to knowing him, in truth, in love, to be dependent on him loved and cared for.

Ultimately everything I have to show for my life which is good was a gift from God. As his promise says, He makes all things work towards the good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose!




To you who walk this road now I have this poem which I wrote shortly after leaving Healing Wings.


A house vs a Home
The simple plan, of a broken man, is to get back up, with a helping hand

standing now, he makes a vow, to be renewed, but knows not how

The book of life, has given him sight, to face the past, and win the fight

conquering the giants, in willful defiance, but a heart is amiss, in mindful reliance, 

things looked good, from where he stood, haunted not, so move he should

though not inspired , he is quickly tired, grateful yes, but more is required

through all the tears, and realized fears, the reason was lost, in youthful years

the horizon instilled, some hopeful thrills, but returning to innocence, is how it is filled

he needed to believe, before he could leave, that love was a source, and not perceived

no longer a slave, but still in a cage, that kid was right, but died with age

to feel again, in pleasure and pain, was the missing link, from which he refrained

now the simple man, with his broken plan, needs a miracle, from his father’s hand


Trust in God, and let him guide you! We are called to be obedient, not necessarily to understand.

​Hi I am Freddie I am 35 year old recovering drug addict.
Started using drugs at the age of 17, to fit into a crowd that I Thought the world off not knowing what the effect this would have on my life.

 As my biological mother abandoned I at the age of two, it had a negative effect on my future 
Life, telling myself that I am an outcast was a big lie sadly I believed myself and this big lie destroyed me.
 
I am blessed to have two awesome parents (Ernie and Ronel Cox) they always gave me the best that could did whatever and everything a parent could do for their children.
So I becoming a drug addict was not their doing but wrong turns I took.
 My biggest love is rugby and at 19 I injured my neck and was told that my rugby is over and I have to stop. This was where everything went wrong. I went drinking everyday getting so drunk that I passed out when I woke up I did not remember where I was or even how I got there.
 
I hated the hangovers so started to using coke, cat and crystal meth and this changed my whole idea Of binging soon I was high daily basis, being a waiter meant that money was freely available and it fuelled my Addiction. Because of work and as time went by I left church and this was grave mistake, I stared to live a Godless

Life and was sucked into a life that was based on lies, devastation, stupidity life threatening situations. I enjoy this life, telling myself that “this is the life for me", big parties lots of friends and an endless supply of Drugs, I became unsatisfied with this and wanted something else so I moved Cape Town, where I was clean for 
4years but when I when I moved back all went sour and I was going at it again with full force.
 
It was not long back into my addiction that I started having anxiety attacks and depression started taking Over my life, I went to see a psychologist to help me with my depression which later turned out to be pure Hatred towards my biological mother. I overcame this hatred but I never got clean from my addiction, but I managed to find my way back to Church.
My parents knew something was wrong with me and that drugs were involved but they were powerless and sadly so was I. I knew I needed help and desperately started to pray hoping and believing that something will happen, And very soon it happened I went out one lunch time from work to get some tik as it was a busy day And I could not cope (a huge lie I told myself).After 17 years I got arrested, and had to spend the night in a sell because my bail application could not Be processed due to spitefulness of a warden that did not want to help.
 
It was the coldest night ever I was not hungry nor thirsty when I got bail the next morning and I came Out I told my father that I needed help, the sad story is that in our desperation we knew we can not afford in inpatient rehab program. I was in court twice after bail was paid and on the last Visit I was diverted to Mighty wings, but this is where my desperation met my stubbornness. I had problem with everything that was part of the program and praise and worship the music was too Loud didn’t want to pay the admin fees hoping that Carrol would cancel my contract and I would be set Free, but she never allowed this to happen.
Only in the GAP program did I buy into my recovery things started to make sense again and small Things in my life started to change. I started to help voluntarily at the testing station after 6 months and Mighty wings became a pleasure.
 
I stared working at my recovery with all I had in me as it is written in "Colossians 3:22"whatever you do Work at it with all your heart as working for the LORD and not for men"
 
Not planning on it I got injured in yet a another rugby game on the 11th April 2014, I fractured my My pelvis really badly and was taken to hospital where would be lying down on my back for more Than a month, this was my rock bottom. I phoned Uncle Rodney he still cracked a joke but what he said meant allot to me and I took this off time to do some homework deep inside?
 
I worked out a question not “why am I here? “But instead I asked "what is my purpose and 
How will I get there? “This injury was a bit off humble pie and I learned how to be humble, my movement was limited to my lying flat on my back people and my parents had to take care of me? Because I could not move, small things that we take for granted I could not do without assistance
 
I learned to respect those who were sent to help me, when Brandon a member of the leading edge and his friend came to visit me after the operation. I was really happy and emotions were high as this was my first share that month I also knew that I was cared for and felt motivated to get up and move. I could not take part of the program for three months but it did not stop working my recovery, my recovery Plan was next to my bed and those were my boundaries.
I had other tools ERP/GAP/ and the positive confessions and mostly I shared my daily struggles And victories with my two awesome parents every day.
 
When I returned after three months I was welcomed home with arms wide open and warm heartedly jumped right back in to the testing station and a month later I was given my first group to facilitate this was a proud feeling. I then attended facilitator training and I was behind on my step work I received help from every one to get up to date.
When I completed step 4 a load came off my shoulders and life became a pleasure and my family Life at home and mighty wings became a blessing.
 
Through this time Jacob was my inspiration (Genesis 32:26 "I will not let the go, until thow bless Me LORD" Jacob found himself in a time where he had to confront his brother and make amends for a wrong He had done towards his twin brother and in his wrestle with GOD he was blessed by GOD himself.
 
In this lies my motivation "you cannot have any victory without any battle"
 
THANK YOU MIGHTY WINGS.  

I’m a recovering addict who struggled with Marijuana and CAT addiction.
Before I started my recovery at Mighty Wings my life was in complete chaos. I never slept or ate, I lost so much weight that I ended up weighing 42kg and could not sit in a bath without a pillow cause my skeleton was drilling into the base of the bath.

I was obsessive, paranoid and lived without any boundaries. I tried to save everyone that crossed my path. I picked up ho-bo’s off the street and gave them everything I had in my house to help them. From giving them a shower and breakfast at my house to clearing out my fridge, cosmetics, and other essentials they needed. I was lonely and indirectly they became my friends and someone to speak to. I also knew they were to desperate to judge me.

I argued with everyone who cared for me and even told my mom that if she doesn’t leave me and my life alone I’ll kill her. She was so scared of me (her Angel child she called me from brith) that she immediately installed a trellidor for extra protection. I lied on a daily basis and was convinced that people were following and somehow spying on me through my security system in the house – How Bazaar!!!
I would be unable to sleep and decide to go for a walk at 4am in the morning with my torch, cellphone and sigi’s (my survival pack).
I didn’t buy groceries for myself only things that Declan ate and wanted. I reasoned with myself that it’s cheaper to use than it is to buy groceries daily.
My relationship with God was extreme. I was completely obsessed with my religion and tried to convert anybody that had ears to listen to become a disciples.

I had conversations with God reasoning with him about my use of substance and justifying it. I completely believed that he understands my circumstances and He still loves me unconditionally no matter me using. Anyway in my eyes I wasn’t doing anything wrong or harming anyone through my drug usage.
I carried my Bible in my handbag and would read pieces out of the Bible to the homeless people to help them in their struggles as well. My family (who are extremely religious) I called the devil and told them that God will punish them for how they’re treating me. I threw all their wrongs over the years in their faces and reminded them that they have no idea what I’m going through cause they’re not the widow trying to keep their life together after being married for only a month.
I was self-centered and wanted everything my way. On my time when, where and how I wanted it. I offended people daily cause I was tactless and said it like it is. I just wanted to be happy and anyone that put a downer on my mood was asked to leave my company immediately. They were spoil sports and wasn’t living life to the full – Way too serious for me.
I hit rock bottom when Declan (my 6 year old son) was taken away from me and placed in safe keeping with my mom because I forgot to pick him up from school.

I lost my mind completely in that time and used excessively …. Nothing and nobody mattered. Because he was away from me I had no responsibility towards anything and I used nonstop – day and night. I started experiencing psychosis and paranoia. I believed people were spying on me from the trees outside my house. I flew my kite in a park with my high heels on and directed the traffic outside my house with a hardhat while campaigning for “fathers for justice”. In my mind my dad lost interest in me and Declan’s father never featured or contributed to his life. So I was educating them while showing them where to turn.
The one day my mom sent the police to my house because she did not hear anything from me and was convinced that I might have overdosed. My mom then decided to take me to Thembisa hospital but she was so scared that I might attack her cause I don’t want to go that she asked the police to escort her to the hospital. I was put in the back of the van and driven to Thembisa Hospital…. It was then that I realised this is the end. My rock bottom continued cause after 6 weeks in Thembisa in the most horrible conditions you can possibly imagine I was transferred to Weskoppies Hospital. I stayed there in the worst possible conditions for another 3 weeks. By the end of that process I had enough time to think about how I destroyed my life in less than 3 months. I lost everything I loved…. My Son, family, my home, my career, respect for myself, self-worth, purpose the list just continues.

I came to Mighty Wings before I went to Thembisa Hospital to find out what the programme was all about and whether they would be able to assist me with my addiction. I was extremely arrogant with Pastor Kennith and he told him that there is not much that I could learn from them because I’ve around the block a number of times. I was looking for the quick fix solution and he told me in no uncertain terms that I’m not ready to join the programme and need to think about it carefully and only when I’m 100% committed to change my ways that I can come back and try to apply again.
After I had time to think about what I want in my life I came to see Pastor Kennith again…. This time it was completely different. I basically begged him to allow me to join as I needed the help and was prepared to do anything to get my life back on track. After vigorous debate and me convincing him I’m ready he allowed me to sign up with Mighty Wings. I felt blessed!!! I was placed on an immediate Comm Ban for a few weeks – I was shocked, cause believe me speaking is one of my most favourite pastimes’, but didn’t care – as I said I was determined to make this work for myself and my family. I wanted to change for myself – nobody else!
My Relationship with God grew even stronger since I’ve joined Mighty Wings. I’ve learned that praying is one thing but obedience is another. I’ve invested time and effort into my relationship with God. I attend Discipleship on Monday’s as often as I can, I read my Bible for guidance, I’ve learned to pray in tongues and I have a respectful relationship with God. I don’t negotiate and justify to Him anymore. I know wrong from right and live in grace and obedience to Him.

Mighty Wings has taught me so much, I’ve come into the programme not knowing what to expect but promised myself that I will give it my all. I’ve kept to the rules and boundaries set through the organisation and my recovery programme. I’ve attending not only the usual days during the week but I also participated in the additional courses such as AP 1 & 2, transformation, Discipleship, Mentorship and whatever other activities they have offered like soccer days, work parties etc. Working the programme and putting my 100% effort into it has allowed me to be proud of my commitment and clean time. I’ve put so much effort into my groups and homework that lapsing or failing is just not an option. I would hate to fail and lose all the effort that I’ve put in to date. I truly believe this is not just a recovering programme for addicts and their supporter. I believe that if more “normal” people in the world could experience the programme we will have much better equipped humans out there to cope with real life challenges that get thrown at us on a daily basis.

There’s a few things that really stuck out for me during my time here and one of them is that Mighty Wings really wants us to succeed. Even when you fail their door is open, not saying it’s without consequences, but they’re there to assist, help and grow you through your recovery process. AP 1 & 2 made a big impact in letting go of the past and experiencing self-forgiveness. Thirdly being on a Comm Ban made me realise that sometimes less said and more action has a much greater effective with a bigger impact.
In growing my relationship with God I’ve also learned that I need to be tolerant to my relationships and rebuilding them. Regaining their trust has been hard. I’ve made amends and showed through my commitment, testing clean and change in attitude that I’m back to the person they’ve always been able to depend on and love.

So now the old is gone and the new Celeste is here to stay….. No more through the nights, no more lack of boundaries, no more starvation and above all no more dishonesty. Through my addition I had to always cover my tracks on all the selective truths I told. Now I can just be and live my life in transparency not having to worry what might be found in my car, handbag or pockets. I don’t need to be scared that things will come out and bite me in the back.

To end off…. If there is any advice that I can give you it would be this…. Be grateful for the opportunity to change your life, Walk this journey hand in hand with the Lord your Savior and do it for yourself…. Not to impress your family, friends, work colleagues…. Do it because you decided and chose to make a difference in your own life…. Once you are committed everything else with time will fall into place as is God’s will for you!!! He has amazing plans for us…. All we have to say is Lord here I am.
I’d like to leave you with this scripture that carried me through up to now….


Psalm 118:4-6
Now let those who fear the Lord say that his loving kindness endures forever.
Out of my distress, I called on the Lord.
The Lord answered me with freedom.
The Lord is on my side.
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

Amen

I am a believer who struggled with drug addiction. My relationship with substances started at the age of 19yrs, I started on Mandrax, experimented with various drugs including cocaine and alcohol, and later evolved to crack cocaine. I felt torn apart inside which propelled my behaviour in seeking escape and oblivion. Namely growing up in the Apartheid era feeling inferior, that the colour of my skin meant that I was fundamentally flawed. The reassurance I needed from a father figure was tragically amiss as my dad died when I was 4yrs old. I also lacked role modelling, social skills and exposure to diverse environments but rather grew up rather naively in a protected cocoon. My ex-husband preyed on my vulnerabilities, he was a dealer and introduced me to my first drug from not even smoking cigarettes. My life took a 360degree turn from light and God to darkness and evil. After falling pregnant, I decided that I would not bring an innocent child into an environment filled with cops pointing rifles at us whilst raiding our place, which happened many times. I filed for divorce and embarked on creating a brighter future for my daughter and I, and she has not seen her dad to this day. I stopped using during my pregnancy and divorce.
The insanity of my life before recovery leaves a little to be desired. I found myself latching on to unstable, criminal, insane people. My arrogance grew as I became a jetsetter at age 23, with a promotion in my job. We became involved in governmental projects, I was flying around the world forming twin cities with mayors, meeting presidents, etc. As this disease progressed to designer drugs so did the chaos, mayhem and dysfunction. I found myself in relationships with ex Israeli intelligence, a diamond and jewellery dealer where I formed new identities according to my partners where abuse and violence reigned in my relationships. I felt like I did not deserve this gift of life. Insanely going back all the time expecting and longing for different outcomes. God had blessed me with many opportunities yet I forsake all leaving a trail of destruction and heartache. They never stopped fervently praying for me, whilst I was writing off cars, having near death experiences, suicide attempts. Using to live and living to use.
 I met my current partner at a very dark time in my life (he rescued me from myself) and I conceived another daughter, Lesly Anne who was a pure miracle baby, and I believe a God sent. At the time of her conception my physical well-being was hugely compromised due to the intake of various substances. My nerve endings were literally sending electrical spasms through my body which would convulse. Estrella’s Dad saw my potential in my wrecked state and decided to invest in my recovery in order that I could clean up from being a junkie and become a mother to my daughters. This was by no means an easy journey and took several years of mayhem before there was a glimmer of light on the horizon.
My relationship with God had disappeared into a slippery black hole. I held on to pride and selfish desires, I became the law unto myself. There was no space for God In in me when I harboured resentment, hatred, fear, guilt and shame. I felt I was a hypocrite if I went to church whilst engaged in all my fleshly desires…only at a later stage was I reminded that God says “Come as u are.
I had sunk into self-pitying victim mode, blaming everyone else for my self-destructive behaviours. Drinking poison and expecting others to die. I was still riding a high horse and refused to ask for help from others. I was all superior and could fix myself, what do others know about my internal pain and suffering. I was angry at the world and no one could cross my path as I was spitting fire. A dark cloud engulfed me whilst I slivered into deep substance induced depression. I found myself kneeling in a jail cell crying to God. I had been defeated and destroyed by the drugs I thought I had control over.
I got into recovery whilst living in Cape Town where I had taken an overdose, the clinic that pumped my stomach asked a psychiatrist to see me.  At his point I had not the slightest inkling about what addiction or recovery entailed. All I knew was that I could not continue living in this hell. My denial ran so deep, entrenched in my very fibre. It took many rehabs later for just the surface to be scratched at. I learned the long and hard way that recovery required a 110% genuine commitment, that there was no magic formula of going into treatment and coming out a brand new fixed person. Recovery is about internalizing and accepting who I truly am and where I had truly been, so lost, so broken in bondage and slavery to my drug.
 
Lesly Anne was still a baby when I had to leave her at my mom whilst I underwent this process. The one freedom I attained from writing was seeing a pattern emerge in all previous family relationships which was blame. I blamed all my wrong choices and mishaps on my childhood devoid of love and affirmation and the early death of my dad. Much later in my journey did I realise that my mom also a vital player in the conflict ridden home. These events brought to my awareness that I had been stuck in a victim mentality which contributed to me not taking any responsibility for my choices. When one is a victim a rescuer is needed, which I perpetually repeated in subsequent unhealthy abusive relationships. The more I succumbed to this pattern of relationships the more my true identity faded – the person God had purposed for me to be, was smudged and blotted in destructive soul ties.
I returned to JHB clean and sober having a platform for recovery. It was only a matter of time before my past began to haunt me again. I believe I still had not forgiven myself as well as still being contaminated with guilt and shame. Being quite a self – critical person it would take a painfully long and tedious process to get to grips with this change. It was painstakingly clear that the depression and suicidal tendencies had not dissipated and I revisited some torturous zones from the past namely Hillbrow and this time, my self -destruction got worse to the point where I was taken to court for being a danger to myself and society. It was ruled that I leave JHB for a while, but due to the anger and hurt I had bubbling inside I even wreaked havoc at the place I was shipped to. I really struggled to get to grips with the self – destructive tendencies consuming me. It was much later when I came back to JHB I was subjected to a 2 week psychiatric evaluation due to my vulnerable mental state. I was then put on mood stabilisers and other medication which eased the depression which was caused by my drug abuse. When I got to the point of no return after all the interventions as I was being written off as a total failure and oxygen thief I truly and sincerely needed God. I contacted my brother who took me in, he fasted with me for a week and took me for prayer and this is where my recovery truly began. I felt a release and a sense of inner peace and serenity engulfed me.
 
This is where my relationship with God proceeded to take precedence in my life and recovery. I had to start seeing myself through Gods eyes. If he loved me so much who was I to not love myself? My self-talk had to be transformed eg. I am a Victor not a victim, I am above only and not beneath, the head not the tail, the salt of the earth, a daughter of the most high. Once this process started within me I began to feel human again, I deserved to live, to be a mother, a daughter and a partner. Without loving myself I cannot love others. This was an inside job which was propelled by seeking God, asking for wisdom in every situation. The steps formed a gateway to start ridding myself of the baggage from the past. A new awareness arose, one of consciously making the right choices and decisions not living in the regrets of the past. Working through the steps gave me great insights and freedom, knowing where my defects lay and constantly praying for change. Making amends constituted a whole new level, finding people have moved on and are glad to see me healthy and whole rather than still broken my past mistakes.
Through reflection I decided to not go back into the corporate world, I realised that through many years of addiction something good and positive ought to come out of it. The enlightened have said ‘let your test become your testimony and your mess your message’.
 
I volunteered for a year as my way of giving back and in the process did various courses in the field of addiction. I was fortunate to find a job in the field I became so passionate about, and gave it my all. This would present another challenge but proved to be a massive learning curve. I now set out to change the world, I was going to help any poor addicted soul that would come into my radius. I decided to also start studying a degree that would empower me to empower others. I also became fully involved in church in the hospitality team and doing various proposals to open up a recovery group. So here I was superwoman trying to be a mom, excelling at studies, running a halfway house in the afternoons and working at the in-patient centre on evenings and some weekends. I don’t think it takes brain science to work out that I was heading for a fall which was inevitable.
After 4 years of recovery I lost sight of myself and crashed. Part of getting up again was understanding that I am only human, I have limitations, I cannot give what I don’t have, save the world and lose myself in the process. I had to take care of me, I was so busy running that my time with God and basic structure of recovery was crumbling. So my next growth spurt evolved. Becoming in tune with myself and the spirit within, going back to basics.
 
I joined Mighty wings over a year ago and have never looked back. I was aware of Celebrate Recovery previously as I once did something similar at church, but was not aware of this one. I was completely filled with awe and gratitude when I came here. I have always been involved in 12 step fellowships, which emphasise a Higher Power which can take any form. Personally I know who my Saviour is and was not comfortable sitting in some meetings where God would be mocked. The exhilaration of coming here superseded my expectations, I finally found a place where I belonged. Principle seven (from Celebrate Recovery) states – ‘Reserve daily time with God for self – examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and his will for my life and to gain the power to follow his will’, is no doubt the ultimate transformative step for me, this due to journaling. Every night I would analyse my day to see whether I was living out my recovery principles, what I needed to change and seek Gods will.
Having a reasonable structure for recovery morning meditation and surrender, evening journaling and bible reading gave me a good start.
This has become a safe place for me, I had quite a challenging past year, and I feel this program and the people here have held and contained through some very stormy and turbulent times. My relationships have become reinforced especially with my kids. There is trust once again, I have to be realistic though having 2 daughters one turning 13 and the other 21 this year is no easy road and I don’t have all the answers. But one thing is for sure that being stable, present, and solid allows me to be there for them. I am still a work in progress, trying to set and maintain boundaries, role modelling good behaviours, standards and norms, Christian ethic.
 
My relationship with God has become a lot deeper, I now understand the power of the word. Throughout my trying times I would confess scripture and see it materialise in my circumstances. I now value some of my struggles as I feel God is doing a refining work within me. There has never been a situation where there was no way out. God is faithful to finish what he has started in me. I have to always remind myself to stay humble and remain teachable. I live with HOPE the constant expectation of something good. My faith in God has grounded me, as I feel I deserve to reap the rewards of hard work and commitment. My loved ones who have paid a huge price also deserve to be rewarded.
 
I can honestly say that this program has taught me discipline, to never lose sight of the amazing blessings and rewards I get from being in recovery. To live with peace that surpasses all human understanding, no matter if the world is crumbling around me, my strength comes from within. Mighty wings has given me a new lease on life and I cannot wait to give back what has been so freely given to me.
To those still struggling, just know you are not alone. I believe God has a very special place for us in his heart and his grace and love is sufficient for us. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep my eyes focussed on him the solution and not my problems. I believe that there is healing for those who do the same.I leave you with this (Isiah 54;17 & Ps1;3) “No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for my righteousness is of the Lord. But whatsoever I do will prosper for I’m like a tree that’s planted by the rivers of water.’’

Psalm: 111 – Praise the Lord - I will extol the Lord with all my heart, in the council of the upright and in the assembly.

My name is Lee and I am a believer who struggled with alcohol addiction.

I grew up in an environment where we were subject to alcohol from a very young age. Everywhere we went we were subject to alcohol, whether we were with friends or family, alcohol was always involved.  So I grew up not really knowing or understanding the long term affects that alcohol has on your body because it was just basically acceptable and it was just what we all did.

Before recovery I was a full blown alcoholic. I was working for a huge IT company with a good job. On my way to work in the mornings, I would drink a beer, sometimes two. I would spray deodorant, chew chappies, eat sweets and avoid, or not get too close to management so they couldn’t smell that I had been drinking. I could still function and there were never any issues with my work even though I was a bit drunk most of the time. In April 2013,after 7 years working for this company, I just walked out, no notice, no phone call, nothing, just absconded. My daughter had been living with me and the December before I left my job she moved to Cape Town to live with her mom. I had in the interim sold my house, so I had quite a bit of money in the bank from the sale. So there I was all alone with a lot of money in the bank, or so I thought at the time. I moved into a cottage and so started my drinking “sabbatical”. I would eventually end up with a routine, I would get up in the morning, open a beer, get dressed, drive to my local pub, get there somedays before opening time, around 9am, now by this time, I have already had about 2 or 3 three beers at home. I would generally have a beer and a jaugermauster chaser and it wouldn’t matter what time of day or night this was, whether it be 9am or 9pm.

I wouldn’t and eventually couldn’t eat because my stomach had shrunk and my body was just so used to alcohol. I did have plenty of food at home and if I did cook, which was very rare, I would leave the dishes for ages before washing them. I eventually ended up passing out with a beer next to my bed, and when I woke up I would just reach out and grab a beer while lying in bed. My health started to deteriorate, I lost a lot of weight and there wasn’t a heck of a lot to start off with, my hygiene was almost none existent, I would crawl out of bed, splash my face with water, spray deodorant over my clothes and drive to the pub. I wouldn’t shower for days on end. My legs became so weak that I battled to stand up on occasions because my body was so drained, tired and worn down, basically from lack of food. I eventually started hallucinating that I could see and talk to people that were not even there, and yes, this was only from alcohol abuse, no other substance abuse, which basically freaked me out that my mind was playing tricks on me. This all came to an abrupt end after 1 year of not working and just solid drinking when I was almost arrested for breaking and entering into my landlord’s house. I was so drunk and messed up in the head one evening that I thought the landlord was holding my daughter in her house so I smashed the window to try and get into her house but my daughter was actually in Cape Town. The police arrived, with guns drawn, they took me to the police station when they eventually phoned my sister at about 2am in the morning to come and collect me. Luckily I wasn’t arrested because the police found a report lying on the table in my cottage from a doctor I had seen about 3 weeks prior to this event, stating that I have an alcohol addiction, that he was considering booking me into the psychiatric ward at Helen Joseph hospital and if I carried on drinking, I could become bipolar. So at this point, I had no money, no job and now no place to live because the landlord didn’t want me back living on her property.

Then my sister and my brother in-law invited me into their home, they were like angels on earth sent to save me from certain death. I think if I had carried on the way I was drinking, I am sure within another month or two, my body would have just given up and I probably would not be standing here today. So began my road to recovery. I then went to rehab for 21 days, where I sobered up and learnt a lot about a sober life again. I never had a relationship with God, I only attended church for weddings and funerals, I had never read the bible but I did know about God and Jesus. While I was in rehab, there were bibles in our rooms, every day I would open the bible onto a random page and every time I did this, I would read a verse which was actually going on in my mind, or in my surroundings, it was then that I started to realise that there is a God and he is watching over me. My relationship with our Saviour Lord Jesus Christ has grown so much that I know attend church, I attend a home cell, I read my bible regularly and I pray all the time. It is almost like Jesus is standing next to me, encouraging me, making me feel safe and he is proud of me.

While I was in rehab my sister had found Mighty Wings and our journey started when we attended the empowerment seminar on the 7th of June 2014. I have been clean and sober since the start of my recovery journey. But not without my struggles where I could draw on my group, the lessons and my faith. I enjoyed ERP and the GAP programs but it was when I started the 12 step program, something in me just “said” this is what I am looking for. The denial, the acceptance, the victory, spiritual, amends, hope, inventory, step 4, the whole of the 12 step program was just very powerful. My walk with God and his son, my saviour Lord Jesus Christ has made me a much calmer person on the inside, more understanding and a lot more willing to accept the things I cannot change.  My walk and journey with Mighty Wings has been so amazing, I have met so many awesome people, caring, non-judgemental, always encouraging, God fearing human beings, that just want the best for other individuals to succeed and be the best they can be, addiction free, the way our Lord Father God made us and wants us to be. I encourage all recovering addicts to stay on with Mighty Wings after their year program is complete and become part of the Leading Edge team, giving back, watching others, admiring the personal growth each person goes through and the achievements they accomplish. As a Leading Edge member, you give others hope that there is a life after addiction. I am working again but I still living one day at a time, one step at a time. 

I would like to end off with Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.
​
God Bless, Thank you

In His Image by Design
Let Our Vows Endure

There are three main things
That can characterize purpose
But without this one
The other 2 are worthless

See Love to me
When truly set free
Will even exceed
The need the breath

It sees no wrong
& holds no fear
When dreams are gone
Still love is here

As a reason to live
There is none better
An unlimited gift
That fits in a letter

Its measure is greater
Than space itself
This treasure creates a
New wage of wealth

Forever indebted
I will always be
I can never stop giving
Or expect to receive

It is the bridge between
My lord & I
The language we speak
That forms new life
In love is my connection
To find divine correction
In love is my direction
To assume my true perfection

The law is love
In all we trust
Before there was dust
Still love was a must

See love will shine
When time is gone
This love is mine
& where I belong

Hope it does
And believe of course
Such is love
The unstoppable force


By Christopher Metcalf

My Testimony:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I’m Bronwyn and I’m a recovering addict. I first drank alcohol when I was 12, at 14 I smoked weed for the first time, by 16 I had my first acid trip and by 18 I was going out drinking a lot and using and experimenting with most drugs and this was how my life was going to be for the next 13 years. My life was all about going out, partying, drinking and drugs. My finances were in a state and I got myself more and more in debt. Instead of paying bills and school fees I was spending money on going out and drugs. As the years went by my focus on my work was slipping and I missed out on many opportunities and studies to further myself.
For many years I had low self-esteem and was desperate to get into a relationship, any relationship as I hated being alone and on my own. In 2008 I met my ex-husband and my life went on a dramatic downward spiral. Because I was using drugs and always drinking and also so desperate to be loved I overlooked his home environment and his family life and ignored all the warning signs. Between my abusive marriage and daily drug use I lost my job, my relationship with my family and friends deteriorated to the point of no contact, my son wanted nothing to do with me and I was left with nothing. I lied to everyone and stole.
For the next 5 years I ran away from my husband 9 times and on these occasions my mom took me back in to her home and between her, my friends and family they all tried to help me get my life back together but I still continued to drink and use drugs and had no coping mechanisms and still felt that I was alone which I hated and I would end up secretly making contact with my ex-husband and running back to him, often without informing my mom and contacting her for days or weeks, on one occasion everyone had assisted me in relocating to Somerset West where two of my friends took me into their homes and helped me find a home and get settled there. I was admitted into hospital with depression and whilst there made contact with my ex who arranged an airplane ticket for me back to Joburg, I left secretly without informing anyone and abandoned my son there who was staying at my friend whilst I was in hospital.
In the last year with my ex-husband things got really bad, it was a haze with being constantly high and with that my ex was psychotic and the abuse had gotten to its worst and I feared for my life and I started praying to God to please help me get out of my marriage as I was scared and I didn’t want to become a statistic. Then in June 2012 we were arrested for possession of drugs and spent 48 hours in the holding cells and the prosecutor offered us a court diversion which meant we needed to attend a rehab programme for a year and stay clean and he told us about MWLC.
I started at Mighty Wings end of June 2012 and shortly afterwards left my husband. A month later our charges were dropped however I decided to carry on with the programme voluntarily. I realised then that God had answered my prayers, not only did he get me out of there but he brought me to a place that offered support and the tools in which to get my life sorted out.
 

Working the programme and focusing on my recovery and having the support of my mom, son, family, friends, my support group at Mighty Wings and Mighty Wings has changed my life for the better. I have now had a stable job for 2 and half years, gotten a new car and am a mother again to my son.  I have a close relationship with my mother again. From having no relationship with God in my past I now talk and pray to Him daily and ask  Him for guidance in my life and have a relationship with God.
I am no longer afraid of being alone and on my own and enjoy my own company. I’m not as anxious as I was before and have built up my self-esteem and confidence. I enjoy a life without chaos and life being clean and sober and I take pleasure out of the small things, things I took for granted before! And I still see the benefits of my recovery on a daily basis!

​Hi my name is Lincoln Lewis and I am a recovering addict who struggles with drug addiction.
I grew up without my father as he passed away when I was 8 years old. Mother got diagnosed with cancer shortly after my father’s death. So straight away I can tell you that I did not have the easiest teenage years. I was motivated to strive academically by the difficult situation at home. At the age of 15 I started working on weekends to help my mother at home with necessities and the odd things here and there. The first time I used was at my Matric farewell, everyone else was doing it, so why not, right? “At least that’s what I told myself “. Using became a hobby for me as I felt like I was doing it for fun, not realizing the depth of the hole I was digging for myself.
 
My addiction to cat started off as an evening of experimentation, a moment of curiosity, but quickly grew to become a constant pass time where I would use for comfort, to forget about the hurt I felt at home, to fit in and belong somewhere. I felt lonely all the time and needed something to make me feel wanted and “one of the guys”. I became known for using and many people associated me with drugs, parties, late nights and early mornings although at home I was still the apple of my mother’s eye as well as the breadwinner in the house. My mother was unable to work to support us with her illness worsening. The responsibilities became too much too much for me to bear , being so young and having a household to take care of, so many mouths to feed , so I used drugs  as a way to forget. I used to try and feel normal like everything was fine, but it wasn’t. The more my Mothers condition worsened the deeper my addiction seemed to get. It eventually got so bad that I started selling to earn extra income and better support my habit. This was very dangerous and irresponsible of me, not to mention in considerate. To make matters worse I sold from my mother’s house, often while she was lying sick in her bed. The more drugs I sold, the deeper my addiction grew and the harder it became to lead a normal life. I lead a double life.
My mother’s struggle with cancer ended in 2009 after fighting long and hard to stay alive. I admired her strength through everything she went through, she still hoped that she would be able to continue raising her children into adulthood, I have 2 older brothers and 2 younger ones. The youngest was 6 at the time and the other 18 however God had other plans my mother. This left my brothers and me to fend for ourselves. As you can imagine 4 boys living alone with no guidance or support, things went from bad to chaotic. My responsibilities at home grew more and more and so did my addiction. I had no balance anymore and soon it became a daily thing, using on my own and partying nonstop whenever I could.
 At this time, which I’m sure many of you could relate to, I felt that I could plan on how I’m going to use and “control” my addiction,  plan on how I ”think” I am going to lead a normal life and still use ,but we all know this is  not possible.
I would always feel the need to portray to the world how hardworking I am and that I was fine and nothing was wrong. This pretense added so much more pressure on me and I was slowly but surely deteriorating.
My relationship with God was actually nonexistent it purely consisted of me going to church when I was not tired, hung over or depressed.
 
 Eventually I hit my rock bottom where I felt like filth because my brothers whom I was guardian over, were forced to go to bed hungry because I would much rather use the little money I had to buy drugs instead of taking care of them .My recovery journey began when I went to Wedge Gardens in-house treatment center in early 2013, I stayed there for 3 months .Unfortunately once I returned home my sobriety did not last longer than a week. I learnt about Mighty Wings while in a relationship with my then Girlfriend, now wife and mother of my beautiful baby girl.
Personally, for me being an In-patient at a rehab center didn’t work for me as I viewed it as being locked in your misery , depression and failures whereas being in an outpatient programme such as Mighty Wings gave me the opportunity to face my fears head on and bring out a much more effective and life altering change in me.
Throughout my stay at Mighty Wings my relationship with God and my faith in him has grown tremendously to an extent that I have come to realize that I am nothing without him. He is my Lord, My savior and help in time of need.
I really enjoyed working the Gap Programme. It thought me to control my ability to identify and label my emotions and situations, instead of being pretentious. As an addict I did not know how to cope with Stress, emotions and negative thoughts but with the help of the GAP programme I have learnt many different ways to deal with what goes on in my head.  My step 4 aided deep healing in my life as it allowed me to put all those I’ve hurt and who have hurt me behind me and allow God to be in control of my life.
Since being in recovery and having GOD back in my life I have become a much more approachable, trustworthy and reliable person.  To me, I feel as though I now have a presence again when entering a room. I am no longer just a crack in the wall – Literally.
None of this would have been possible without Jesus Christ our Lord and savior right beside me. I don’t think that any of us would have made it through if it wasn’t for The Lord by our sides. For that, I give my life to the glory of his name.
John 3:16 for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son , that who so ever believes in him shall not perish but have ever lasting life .
 
Being a recovering addict at Mighty Wings adds such value and meaning to my life. I now walk in the light with renewed hope to live and to dream. I have now realized that I have a real calling to help others where I can and share of my own life. There is such fulfilment in listening and sharing with others.
To the new comer, welcome this is the first step to the beginning of the rest of your life.

​I am a believer who struggles with co-dependency. Growing up as the “hero child” of an alcoholic father rescuing and fixing the family was what I did best. Growing up in a family with emotionally distant parents I adopted the role as the responsible child to cope with the tension and stress. When I was 10, my father suffered a severe brain haemorrhage because of drinking and was never the same again. My childhood was soon taken away as I assumed a role I wasn’t supposed to be in. Because of an innate fear of rejection I told myself that if I didn’t step up, I would not be loved. I tackled problems and challenges beyond my level of maturity or skill set. I worked from the age of 14 years to put food on the table for my family. I learnt to control outcomes and situations. My self-worth was founded in achievements and finding comfort in being the best.
The insanity of my life before my recovery was entrenched in this co-dependency. After being single for 5 years by choice, I met the man of my dreams. 6 months into our marriage, my husband chose addiction, staying out late, going to wild parties and when we were together he was intoxicated, unable to engage with me and arranging his next fix. My dream soon turned into a nightmare. I felt alone, entrapped in fear and felt like there was no way out.I soldiered on and convinced myself that I was to blame for his addiction, I believed that I needed to love him more, do more things for him, agree with him, keep the peace, lie to family to cover up hurts. As my husband’s addiction grew (what felt like by the hour), he became more aggressive, rude and even abusive. He wasn’t the man I married, unrecognisable and unlovable. I was an emotional wreck hanging on by a thread. At this point I struggled to trust God. I was trapped in my own pride of “I’ve got this and yet my problems overwhelmed me. My prayers were filled with tears and I cried to God saying the same thing over and over again…”God help me…please”.
I was entrapped in shame, and intense feelings of inadequacy. In front of others I felt exposed and humiliated as if they could see my flaws. Soon I was withdrawn from everyone, disconnected and found peace in a separation from others. It was easier this way, less people to lie to, less revving myself up to pretend that everything was fine. I lost friendships and family relationships were hard.
My rock bottom was when I had nothing left inside of me, no physical energy to fight, no emotional capacity to think and when I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t recognise who I was anymore, I realised I needed help. I realised that I was worth more than being lied to, taken advantage of, and abused. I decided to get a protection order against my husband and although it was hard and came with much discomfort, I felt a deep sense of freedom when I decided to move out.
A colleague told me about Mighty Wings and the dynamic recovery program for supporters. Coming to Mighty Wings was my saving grace, God’s plan for me!
My mantra for 2015 was #Godshowsup! At the brink of a crushed marriage, a devastating emotional break down – God provided a way out for me. Psalm 40:2defines how I see my own co-dependency and how God through His mercy lavished His love on me. It says, “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand”. In the mist of despair there was implicit hope, in the face of suffering there was true redemption and I wanted it. For the first time I began to understand the meaning of the cross in my life. Until I admitted my need for help and my brokenness, God could not work in my life. The programs at Mighty Wings gave me the tools to see the real me.
So I decided to give myself fully to the program and welcome the pain and suffering that goes along with change. The two programs that impacted me the most and assisted me to change were the series on Boundaries and the Celebrate Recovery Step Program.
In the series on Boundaries, I learnt that I have the right to choose. I learnt that I had the right to choose love over abuse, protection over fear and joy over destruction. I learnt that ‘No’ is not a swear word and that I don’t have to allow the reactions of others to control my thoughts or behaviours. Finally, I have learnt a tool that teaches me to love me first and out of self-love I am able to love others. Learning that I’m not responsible for anyone but only to others chipped away at my co-dependency and I no longer saw the need to enable but began to understand that everyone was on their own journey and my role is to journey with them not for them. Every time I feel myself getting pulled into other people’s nonsense, I can now confidently say and think – “Not my circus, not my monkeys”!
The Celebrate Recovery 12 Step Program helped me to be honest with myself and face the world of denial I have built up. Denying that my husband was an addict, not getting help and pretending everything was fine was finally over. Admitting that my life has become unmanageable and realising that in all of this I played God. Dealing with the pride in my heart and accepting the grace and mercy from God, helped me see how powerless I am in trying to control my husband’s addiction. Eventually I could stop denying the pain and be open about how hard his addiction was and how it devastated my life and the role I played in supporting his addiction. God now defined me and God was all I ever needed. In my marriage I blamed myself for my husband’s addiction,  I had a flood of “If only’s” i.e. if only I gave him all the money he wanted, if only I was more loving, less confrontational; if only I was more this or that…he would stop. I soon realised that my husband’s choice to live a life of addiction was exactly that – HIS CHOICE and nothing I said or did would change him. The Step program helped me to let go of self-blame. The Step program helped me grow in my faith and voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life. Because recovery is a process, I consider myself a recovering co-dependent and every day, one day at a time, one situation at a time – I choose change!
God has helped me make dynamic changes in my relationship with my husband - a complete 180 degree change. I am now able to communicate my fears, anxieties and expectations without venting, screaming and shouting. I appreciate how the tables have turned in my marriage. I no longer take full responsibility for the finances, organising date nights or making all the decisions, my husband has embraced his role as the head of our household and now shares these responsibilities with me. I now feel safe and protected. I believe God has helped us restore our relationship. The scripture that comes to mind when I think of my relationship with my husband is the one in 2 Corinthians 5:17-18, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation – the old has gone”. In Him we have a new relationship.
I’m grateful that I am able to change, through the Mighty Wings program and God’s amazing grace I am no longer a weak willed woman, I am secure in who I am because my identify is not in how people view or love me but in how God defines me i.e. “fearfully and wonderfully made”. As I set healthy internal boundaries, I am growing in self-care andself-awareness. I have mentally and sometimes physically detached myself from being the “hero child”. I initially thought of detachment as absurd, “I mean who will take care of my addict or my overly needy parents? Now I live by the truth that I am not responsible for the choices of others. Through prayer and counsel I refuse to fall into a relapse of worry, resentment, bitterness and self-pity.
My walk with God has changed me. My prayer life is more than just “God help me” like in our times of addiction, but I can talk to God throughout the day.I can pray together with my husband and share spiritual dreams with him – God has refreshed my spirit.
Benefits from working the program include meeting amazing people that have inspired me through their own adversity. Knowing that I am not alone and that co-dependency and addiction is not prejudice to race, gender or age was moving. When I decided to give myself to the program I grew, my thinking changed and I have a toolbox to help me engage with others in a meaningful way. Doing the homework helped me internalise the concepts of recovery and how to be a good support to my husband. The program has helped me to make healthy life style choices in order to make my home a recovery friendly space for growth with zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol.
My encouragement to a newcomer is simple i.e. give yourself fully to the program and the principles of recovery at Mighty Wings. In the beginning it will be overwhelming, as a supporter you will feel weak and broken and do not allow your emotional state at the time to determine your commitment to yourself. The supporters program is a gift from God, an anchor when your world is on the brink of falling apart. Whatever financial, time or emotional commitment you need to make - JUST DO IT! A year ago when I looked in that mirror I saw an unrecognisable image of hurt, self-blame and shame, I now see a forgiven, loved and perfectly created being. The program will work for you, if you work the program.